Live Free or let me Die
by Nox-Rufus
Summary: Draco Malfoy is a pureblood born and bred, thankyouverymuch. But then on his sixteenth birthday someone tells him "You are not even human" and he knows she's right. Returning to Hogwards proves hard, harder still with the upcoming war, and even harder yet when he finds himself plunged into an inheritance he doesn't want. Draco/Harry boy/boy, rated T for now. Draco!Veela Complete
1. Not even Human

**I do NOT own Harry Potter or any of the characters. I claim only the right over this writing. J.K Rocks!**

 **Disclaimer: Language, boyXboy. Don't like don't read**

 **Chapter one: Not even human**

Draco Malfoy always stayed up on the fourth of June, and he did again this year, 1996. It was an old habit that remained from his childhood, when his mother would pounce on him at the stroke of midnight; she hadn't done that for several years though. Despite that, Draco stayed up, sitting by his window sill and looking at the clouds covering the moon. He always searched for his constellation but on this night, he couldn't have found it.

He heaved a sigh as his grand-father cloak tolled the witching hour of midnight. He was sixteen now. Sweet sixteen they sa-

-and strike! But they don't know anything about it. Draco felt a pang in his gut and there was nothing sweet about it. He doubled over, nearly banging his head against the window. The pain was much like a stab – and he knew that well – right into his stomach; but at the same time a shiver ran over his spine making him tremble. His vision blurred for a moment and his world was covered in a layer of pure white smoke. Then he got a push, like the world suddenly came to a halt, and it stopped.

He looked around him but there was nothing to be seen; no smoke, no attacker, nothing. He looked outside with his hand on his stomach, wondering what in Merlin's bloody beard's name happened.

Draco slept soundly that night; in fact not only the night, for the morning saw no young Malfoy up and about. Finally after twelve, Narcissa looked into his room and found him still sleeping, which is unusual for her son. She had let him sleep because Lucius was away and he was finally allowed to stay in bed. She had by his side and nudged him gently.

"Draco" She called "Draco honey, it's past lunch time"

Finally his lids fluttered and grey eyes opened to the sun shining brightly and far too high up in the sky. He frowned and framed himself against the light. He let out a sigh and flopped back onto the bed, saying:

"I'm still tired, and I'm not hungry. I'll come down later" Narcissa nodded and kissed his forehead.

"Happy birthday, Dragon" She whispered as she got up. She wasn't even out off the door or Draco had already fallen asleep again.

And he slept on till the sun had set. He woke up by himself at last upon smelling a most fragrant odour reaching his nostrils. He still felt tired, as if all energy had been drained from him, but his stomach demanded food and he knew the tradition. It was his birthday and the house elves knew just what he liked. He went downstairs in his pyjamas knowing his father away and joined his mother at the table.

"Evening Dragon, do you feel better?" She asked with a polite smile.

"Much, thank you mother" He lied swiftly. They ate comfortably with easy conversation, as was often the case between the pair. Draco felt appeased; he sensed a vague headache and discomfort leaving his body as it absorbed the food. After dinner they both sat in the living room, continuing their discussion; and though polite and considerate that he is, Draco couldn't help but fall asleep again. Narcissa smiled upon seeing her son and carried him – magically of course – to his bed.

The next morning Draco was still in bed when Narcissa came to see him at lunch time again, but he wasn't comfortable. She saw him fidgeting in his sleep, a frown deeply embroided over his eyes and pearls of sweat trickling down his cheeks. She felt his temperature and he was burning up. She immediately went away to call upon a healer. Draco woke in the mean time, clutching his stomach as his body was shaken by coughs and sneezes.

The healer made him sit up as she examined him. She frowned and went to take Narcissa apart to talk to her in private but Draco made him stay.

"It's all about me, missus" He said "So you tell me to my face"

Healer Fray turned towards him.

"Very well" She started "Your biological code is being rewritten, from what I can see"

"Sorry, again" Draco asked with a frown. She sighed and sat down on the chair in the corner of the room.

"Your biological code is being rewritten" She replied "Your genes are changing; which explains how tired you were, your body is using up all its energy to change the combinations. The coughs and sneezes are simply because while your genome is changing, your immune system is failing, until the new sequence is complete that is"

Draco wasn't following her, at all. He didn't get so she continued:

"It can sometimes happen. It's what happens to a werewolf for instance; but seeing as you have no bite and it's evidently not full moon it isn't that. It was your birthday yesterday wasn't it? In that case we call it inheritance. It happens in some families who have mixed blood. I won't judge your family but it would appear it's not as pure blood as expected. Now I can't tell you which inheritance it is, that is something you will have to find in your family's history"

Draco paused for a moment, translating the words in his own mind, in his own time. Finally he said:

"So you are telling that... I'm not a Wizard?" Healer Fray got up.

"For at least half of you Mister Malfoy" She replied "I'm afraid you are not even human"

Draco sent his mother away after that, he needed to think; but he didn't. He found that whenever he closed his eyes to think – a habit of his – he'd fall asleep, which he finally did.

Narcissa on the other hand could not rest. She knew that if there was a flaw in the purity of her son's blood, it must have come with her. She also knew that if one day Lucius found out, Draco would be disowned and she would be Narcissa Black once more. So she went looking in old archives searching for a clue, anything. She perused her family's history, passing every single name in detail. And there it was, written in blue print, right next to Perseus Bredge: _Married to Hylda Black, species:_ _ **Veela**_.


	2. Feeling Pressure

**I still don't own this of course!**

 **Chapter two: Feeling Pressure**

The Hogwarts express left that Tuesday at 4pm, and Draco was thankful when it finally did. Summer had been horrible; between his mother trying to force feed him books on magical creatures and his father not knowing, he was stuck. He stopped feeling tired some two days after Healer Fray's visit and his immune system was quite recovered, it seemed even better than before. Overall the changes were only slight, at first. But then he woke one morning and he looked at himself in the mirror and his eyes had become light blue. He put his clothes on and noticed that his cufflinks were tighter than normal. Evidently his arms, and indeed his entire body, had grown by about an inch. While changing he noticed something on his side and noticed that he had a mark, it was nothing definite; just a small blue line following the curve of his hip to his back. Sometimes, in the mornings especially, it would burn just slightly, obtaining a light hint of pink.

He didn't think of it much. This entire situation was a bit like politics to him: As long as he doesn't notice it, he doesn't care. He'd read about Veelas, his mother had seen to that; and he remembered some things. He remembered there being words like: love, beauty, power, soul mate, bond, death, and exc. The power part had been the only one to interest him; and as soon as that was coupled to 'soul-mate' he stopped reading.

He didn't partake in the usual Slytherin banter on the train; he simply looked outside with a nagging feeling in his colonne that something was near. He did notice however how Pansy and Millie kept looking at him and whispering things. He had expected it. The books did say he would attract attention – oh yes, he had been interested by that too.

As soon as he hopped off the train, into the castle, heads turned towards him and he realised it was the wrong kind of attention. He felt like a dressed up pony out on parade. Eating was even worse, aside for one point. He knew that as a Veela he could only truly attract people who could in normal times also feel attracted towards him, i.e. girls and gays. He could hence pick out the gays of Hogwarts, which is what he did for most of the meal.

Draco could not sleep that night. Something told him to get up and move, but he didn't want too. The harder he tried to sleep, the more his body wanted to move. He continuously refused. He would not succumb to this. He is a Malfoy for fucks sake. He never did sleep that night.

When he got up from his bed – when his alarm went off of course, not before – he felt exhausted but there was more than that. He felt like he was floating. Every time he touched his body it felt like he was touched by someone else, as if that body was no longer his. He decided to ignore it, like he always does. When he got into the common room, Pansy jumped onto him. Her hand touched his neck and he flinched, his skin burnt where hers touched his.

"Shit Pansy!" He exclaimed and pushed her back "Don't touch me!"

He immediately walked away, not waiting to see her reaction. Rounded the corner he leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. _Shit shit fuck_ , he thought, _they mustn't suspect_. He took a deep inspiration and walked directly onto class, totally avoiding the great hall for breakfast.

A pressure then nestled into the pit of his stomach as he drew closer to history of Magic. He sighed but continued on his way. He felt cold and heavy at the same time, like something was pushing his eyelids shut but was also blowing down his neck. He waited for class to start with a heavy heart, already dreading the year to come.

A mass of people arrived and he felt... appeased, oddly enough. The churning in his stomach had gone, his temperature seemed to have regained normality and he no longer felt like a foreigner in his own body. Deep inside him he understood what it meant, but he wouldn't acknowledge it; having said that though, he did look around the class, instead of actually paying attention to the lesson. It was a mixed group of Slytherin and Gryffindor together. Draco rolled his eyes at that and continued his survey. Many eyes turned to him. He smirked, _yeah I know I'm gorgeous, don't wet yourselves_.

As soon as he moved from that class onto the next, he felt bad again. The smile he wore for a while was completely extinguished, he felt heavy again. Worse, he felt sad. He had a hard time realising what the feeling was, but there it was: sadness. His lips twitched with the sentiment and he was angry with himself for letting that happen. He didn't know where it came from, but he could guess.

Pansy remained well away from him, doing her best I'm-angry-with-you impersonation; whilst Blaise especially kept an eye on him. He scooted closer to his dear friend and whispered:

"Look Princess, you look about on the verge of crying; don't you realise we are in Public?" Draco turned and sneered at him.

"Now you look, I am not on the verge of crying, I do know we are in class. You don't know a fuck so keep out of my business and continue watching Daphne's disgusting breasts"

Blaise rolled his eyes and turned to indeed look at Daphne Greengrass' chest. A wry smile came upon his face and he leaned back towards Draco, saying:

"Dray, if you think those are disgusting, then you've just got to be gay"

Draco didn't even bother answering that. He honestly couldn't care less. He'd been with girls in the past, but what did it all matter in the end? As soon as his father found out he'd either be disowned or dead. Oddly enough, a butterfly did summersaults in his stomach thinking about it all. What if _it_ was a man?

He didn't go to bed that evening, his inner self seemed too restless even though he was tired. Instead he went to the library, looking up the books he had – or should have – read during the summer holiday. He scanned the shelves aimlessly. There would be no books on Veelas especially, Draco knew that Veelas were typical French and that Hogwarts can't have encountered many of them. He finally did find something of interest and sat down by a window to read. The book lay heavily in his hands, like his arms were no longer strong enough to hold it up. He felt weak and still sad. He made sure he was alone before letting out a long breath and letting himself feel for once. Tears welled up in his eyes and he didn't know why, but he let them fall silently. He breathed in and searched for the correct pages. He finally found it and started reading the parts that interested him:

 _Veelas are creatures of love, they crave it but they especially need it. They can't live without it. Veelas are one of the only creatures alive who possess an actual soul-mate; or bond mate would be a better word. It's a person who is compatible with the Veela in every way, the most perfect match there could be._

 _Finding your bond mate is essential once the inheritance completed. At first, the new genes in a Veela's body simply look for their mate. Alone a Veela will feel incomplete, with all the consequences of that; whilst when the mate is near a_ _ **completion**_ _is met and the Veela will either feel normal again or much better. As times goes by to these symptoms a craving is added, a need so profound that the Veela will notice it can't carry on. As the identity of the mate becomes known, the Veela will slowly go crazy if it cannot be near it. See chapter 3._

Draco was already tired of all this. So he did need a... mate. A stupid fu- mate. He didn't want to. It had only been little over a month since his sixteenth birthday; this could not happen to him. He walked back to his chambers, feeling like bricks had been laid on his feet, he felt so tired, so heavy. His tears had stopped falling and were now only memories upon his cheeks.

And suddenly he stopped in his tracks. He took an abrupt breath as if he hadn't taken one for a long time. A pressure was lifted from his entire being, he felt light. All fatigue dissolved from him and he searched around him with open eyes. He was searching, looking for _him_ – if it was a him of course. There was no one there, and the only knowledge of that put the pressure back on him and he was ready to sink to his knees. Pride made him stop and he ran to his room, wanting to leave as quickly as he could.

In bed he started thinking of it all, of being a Veela and needing a mate. He still was against it. His inner being was against it. He had been taught he was a pureblood; he had grown up with the thought that that is good and the way to follow. He believed in little, but he had always believed in the Dark Lord's cause; and now, everything was turned upside down; and he fell asleep thinking that he was actually quite curious to find out who his mate would have been.

 **Woah I finished the second chapter! I'm really glad about it, but please do not get used to it, I am not normally this quick... Thank you for your support and stay tuned!**


	3. Finding Out

**I still don't own Harry Potter or anything that goes with it!**

 **Chapter 3: Finding out**

Ever since his admission of curiosity, Draco had been discreetly searching. He didn't want it to show, seeing as no one was aware of the situation. He didn't even speak to his mother about it, for fear his father would intercept their correspondence – which he usually does. Over the week his symptoms grew steadily by the day. From having to glamour his face to hide the bags and the tears when he was far from his mate, whoever it was, to being irresistible and almost pleasant whenever he was near. He became weaker, he could feel it. Time passed by, and as days became two weeks he was growing tired, so immensely tired that he could no longer normally follow his lessons. He wanted to find who his mate was, see if he could be close enough to just get his energy back.

It was his firm believe now that it was a him, how exactly he did not know. He hadn't been able to pinpoint much of his mate, despite having looked for him; though it must be admitted that 'looking for him', mostly meant surveying the area whenever he felt better. He had come to at least one conclusion: His mate was either from Slytherin, from Gryffindor, Professor Binns or Professor Snape. What with Professor Binns being dead, in general, and Professor Snape being... well just that really; he ruled out the teacher's option. He didn't think of it much after that.

He went into potions that Friday. His face was entirely glamoured to hide the redness of his eyes, the bags underneath them, the hollow of his cheeks, everything. He had stopped eating sometime ago. There were times when he could swallow little things, times when he felt so incredible hungry, times when he could force himself to eat; but most of the time he just couldn't. He felt lethargic and empty. He hated to admit but he started seeing sense in needing another half. Though he felt certain that the shell he was becoming could not be half of who he is.

On the way into class he bumped into Ronald bloody Weasley. Draco himself was too tired for all this. He had successfully avoided the golden trio ever since his return to school, but he knew it couldn't last. He looked up and felt immensely better. His eyes opened behind his glamour and with a crack of his neck he felt alive again. There was a small group of people surrounding them, waiting for the blow to come.

"Watch where you're going, ferret" Weasley spat. Draco looked at the red head and an internal smile found its way onto his face. _Finally_. He held his head high up.

"You watch where you are going Weasel; you're Mum has feed you so much this summer that you can't pass a door anymore without bumping into people" He said with an arched eyebrow towards Ron's belly – which had indeed taken up some forms during the holidays. The later pushed Draco back against the wall, and he burned at the touch. Ron's arm was pushed against his neck and he couldn't breathe, not because of the pressure but because of the pain. He bit his lip to keep his outcry to himself and punched his knee in the man's crutch. He heard Blaise and Pansy encouraging him behind him whilst Granger and Potter tried stopping the larger Wizard. Weasley threw himself on Draco, punching right and left as the Slytherin used his intelligence to use the other's strength against him.

But then several people made a grab for them both, trying to separate them; Draco felt burned on several places, his shoulders and his neck especially. Then a hand grazed his arm and he started shaking. His breathe was taken from him and all the other hands didn't even matter to him anymore. As soon as it came it went and it left Draco with a grave sense of loss. He pushed everyone out of the way, yelling:

"Let me go, don't touch me!"

Every eye turned towards him with surprise. He was breathing heavily, and a whisper past through the people. He caught their eye, some of them; he knew his mate was amongst them and some part of him was afraid to see the look he would give him after this; so he ran. He ran away from the people and from the class, with no intention of coming back. Professor Snape wouldn't permit it, but fuck it, he had to go.

He never joined the other classes of the day; he went up to the astronomy tower and remained there. He couldn't carry on like this; not being able or allowed to touch another, feeling tired and drained throughout the day, being thoroughly unhappy for no reason and just fine when a stranger draws closer. He decided it was time he found out who his mate was and then act accordingly. At least he could be prepared for things, and not just wait for things to randomly happen. He wanted to write to his mother, to ask her advice, but the fear for his father kept him silent.

He vowed to do it all himself; to manage this year, his inheritance, his O.W.L.S and his pure blood upbringing, all by himself. First things first, he needed to find his mate to manage said inheritance. He was scared, he felt damn silly admitting it, but part of him was afraid. He already felt imprisoned in his own home; he did not need all this on top of things.

In History of Magic, Draco paid no mind and looked around him. Blaise saw him and leaned closer:

"So finding breasts disgusting, you looking for a nice dick or something?" Draco sent him a side glance and replied:

"Yes I do so enjoy a good dick. I can spot a good specimen from miles away and through trousers"

And a specimen he was indeed looking for. He scanned the class room but his butterfly appeared for no one. He felt restless; physically he was fine, his body was responding positively to being in the same room as his mate but emotionally he was in turmoil. He knew _he_ was close but he couldn't reach him; he was starting to want him near too, not just the animal side of him, as he likes to think. He wants to feel like himself again, and it just isn't coming. He got no new clue as to the identity of his other half.

It was during Lunch that something unusual happened. He was eating – picking at – his food of the day, hardly listening to the others. They were gossiping about this and that, new couples probably. He caught Pansy saying:

"And then there's the Weasellette and Pot-"

A pang in his chest cut her sentence as Draco emitted a low moan. It was like on his birthday; he felt a stab, this time straight through his chest. He couldn't breathe anymore, holding his chest trying to grasp some air. His friends were soon by his side, holding him up and calling for help. He couldn't feel it anymore, he heard vague screams, calls, the touches were only titillating his skin. He looked up at the ceiling, could see the rain from outside falling down but never touching him. And it all became dark.

Madam Pomfrey was now aware of his condition, and Draco had called upon his right to secrecy for her to keep the information far from Dumbledore. He never did trust the old cow. The nurse had told him to go and find his mate as fast as he could; she said that from now it would only go downhill real fast and that he needed time to court his significant other before the madness would consume him. She let **_the_** word drop, and despite his best efforts to ignore it, it kept repeating itself in his head: death. He categorically refused to die over something so trivial, and that is where the discussion should end. _That_ _ **is**_ _where it ends_ , Draco added in thought.

Draco didn't dare show his face in class the next day, but he had too. He was missing out on too many lessons and the teachers had noticed his repeated absences. So he went despite knowing that the entire school was by then aware of the previous happenings. What he encountered though upon arriving in class, was not he had expected. He had expected remarks and jests, but no one even spoke to him. No, everyone just stared at him. Every eye was trained to him – when I say everyone I mean the girls and the gays, closeted included – as if they saw him for the first time. Draco frowned and leaned over to Pansy to whisper:

"Pans do inform me, is there something rotting on my head?"

Pansy couldn't keep her eyes off him. Her mouth opened to speak but no words came out. Finally she replied, almost in wonder:

"No... No Dray you just... You are just so beautiful"

"Beautiful?" Repeated he incredulously. They were staring at him, seriously, because they thought he was beautiful? _I'd have said handsome or sexy_ , his mind supplied. He turned to look at the class, and indeed, most of them were simply fascinated; those that weren't seemed only disgusted by the attitude. Draco thought: _Damn_ , _you wouldn't think the same if I took the glamour off_. Amongst all the girls he noticed some guys, people of little importance mostly; he did however saw the Golden boy showing some odd attitudes towards him, like he didn't want to openly look but did from the corner of his eye. _My my the-boy-who-lived will be baptised the-boy-who-sucks-cock_.

At the end of the day Draco did not return to his dormitory, he went to the lake instead. The temperature was mild and he stayed comfortably underneath his cloak. He was actually surprised at that, being comfortable. He felt no pressure, no hard feelings, no discomfort. He had even removed the glamour because it weighed like an inch of make up on his face. Now he was finally just back to himself. He did look around him but there was no one there. Everything was calm and he felt just like a human again.

He closed his eyes and listened to the gentle breeze through the leaves, the water splashing softly with the movements of the giant Squid, the howling of werewolves in the forest.

"You look like shit Malfoy" A voice called behind him and Draco froze. He turned round and looked with his bloodshot eyes at his nemesis. He looked at him for a while, trying to get it.

"What do you want Potter?" He finally said. Potter shrugged and leaned against a tree.

"Nothing really. Came to see if you've got another show to give; you seem to be fond of those lately" He replied. Draco tore himself away and looked over the lake.

"It's none of your business, Pothead. Go find your friends and leave me be"

Harry frowned and looked at his form. They stayed that way for a moment until Harry sighed and said:

"You know you don't even sound like the Malfoy from before" And he turned and left.

Draco waited patiently for him to go as far as possible and then he buried his head in his hands with a sigh. Something beyond his control made tears run again on his cheeks; he felt the sadness and for once knew why it was. He heaved a breath and look up to the stars, whispering to anyone who would listen:

"God damn it. Harry Potter is my mate"

 **Gee I really am on form today! Funny how inspiration works isn't it? Hope you enjoy and please review!**


	4. Don't need a Hero

**Chapter 4: Don't need a Hero.**

Draco looked over at Potter in History of Magic; a light frown was placed upon his face as he observed him. He didn't get it. How had he never noticed that this guy is pretty good looking? He had spent over five years looking at the git and suddenly he looked good. He sighed but continued looking anyway. When Potter saw him staring he sneered; the simple motion brought a pang to Draco's chest. He turned to look at Professor Binns but found his head wanting to face someone else.

He started scribbling out vague words on his parchment, words that meant nothing; he then realised that the mess he was in meant nothing either. Well, it meant something, something big; it just didn't make sense. He looked at Potter and internally he still hated him but part of him wanted to be close to him. The fucking part that felt bloody empty without him. Granger leaned over Potter's parchment, accidently touching his arm. Draco could actually feel shiver on his own skin. He gritted his teeth till the end of the lesson.

He caved him. During lunch hour he went to the room of Requirements, which he was very happy to have found the previous year. He went in and completely collapsed. His whole body started shaking and trembling, he felt cold and lonely. He fell to his knees from exhaustion. He was so tired from simply keeping it up, from just staying at a safe distance. His entire being screamed to be close to Potter, he physically needed it. So he banged his head against a cupboard, tears falling from his face. He hit the wood with a frustrated yell of:

"Damn it!" He was tired of this. He wanted to stop, to go away; to move as far away from Potter as he could. At the simple thought the mark on his side started burning up. He lifted his shirt and looked at it in the mirror; the mark had spread, it was lasering a way through his skin and evidently that is where the pain came from. It was beginning to look like a maze, or like a web. But then he stopped for a minute and truly looked at the mirror. He knew this mirror, it was the mirror of Erised; and he saw nothing. He was there by himself, only he wore a smile – which in fairness he found odd on his face – that was all. This mirror is supposed to show what a person wants; surely Draco must want something in life?

And he realised that the mirror could only show what he knew he wanted, or that his subconscious wanted. His subconscious was probably as confused as his conscious.

Draco crossed Potter in the hallways between classes. The Slytherin had his glamour firmly in place, his clothes were impeccable and he looked for all the world like Draco Malfoy should; but when Potter looked at him, he felt like he could see right through all that. They stared at each other just for a moment before Potter said:

"Hey Malfoy, do you have something to hide behind that make up or are your eyelashes naturally that long?" And Draco realised that between them nothing had changed. They were soul mates, the two halves of a coin, but nothing had changed. Something was only different in Draco's genes, not even in his heart. He rolled his eyes in superior fashion and replied:

"It's not because you walk around looking like you've come out of a pile shit that he all have to, Potter; unless of course you do want to combat the Dark Lord with an army of Potters. Perish, the thought" He added as an afterthought. Potter raised an eyebrow:

"Scared that your Lord will actually perish at that Army?" He retorted. People looked between the pair, remarking that a spark between them was gone. Draco simply couldn't bring himself to truly get angry at him. He was only figuring this out and his mark burned already at the half hearted _insults_. Potter rolled his eyes and replied:

"Yeah whatever" Before walking onto class, bumping into Draco on the way. The latter froze on the spot. A jolt was sent through his veins and not only did he feel good at that moment, he felt whole. He'd gotten used to being this half person that being whole took his breath away. His vision blurred an instant and all he could see was Potter; Potter who wouldn't even spare him another glance. He felt faint at the loss, all his energy was gone and he felt lost again. _I don't want this_ , his mind screamed, _take it away_. Even the mirror did not show this.

Suddenly he turned and his hand stretched against his will to grab Potter's sleeve. He could breathe again. He stopped falling in this huge pit and there was light again. They looked each other in the eye and Draco's heart skipped a beat. He was at a loss. He felt whole, complete, like he'd been dying and now he lives; he felt right. But it wasn't right. He straightened up and said angrily – for he was angry:

"Fuck you, Pothead" The mark started to burn heavily and he doubled over in pain. He could feel it tracing his ribs like a needle carving in his skin. He could remember Potter bending over him and holding his shoulders. He looked in his eyes, before his own started to roll.

He woke up in the infirmary, again. Madame Pomfrey was checking him, tutting at the growing scar and telling him to get a move on. Draco was not trying to get a move on; he was trying to move on. He was trying to ignore this entire business, carry on like he had; but he couldn't. He was bound to this new fate that he couldn't refuse.

But he remembered the touch and frankly he wasn't sure if he should want to refuse. It had been amazing; he could actually feel Potter's power link through their touch, no matter for how brief; and by Merlin he is powerful. Madame Pomfrey returned with a batch of potions and explained:

"These are all Potions to give you back some of your energy. But Mister Malfoy I do insist that you must find your mate, there is only so much Potions can do" He didn't know what pushed him to reply:

"I already have" but he did. The nurse went into a huge tantrum about how he has to do something, that time was not on his side and that his mate had to accept him. Draco only half listened; he could feel the implications of her words crawl beneath his skin; he did not need to listen to them. He looked up though when she sat down.

"I must also add" She started "That even though I have remained silent at your _order_ , Headmaster Dumbledore is aware of your situation and is offering you different accommodations as well as an improved time table"

Draco looked at her for a moment. He then threw back the covers and got up with a huffed:

"I don't want any of it" He took his clothes and started dressing as she protested:

"But Draco you can't go on like this!" He stopped listening and left the nursery, leaving his potions behind and any help.

So Dumbledore was aware of his condition; this was of no help to Draco. His plan was total discretion, and especially to protect him against _him_. He went back to the room of Requirements after dinner, not feeling up to much else. He now wished he had taken those potions when he could. He felt tired, but not just that; he felt like someone was touching him, but there was no one there. He sat on the floor in front of the mirror thinking about it. Nothing showed. He still didn't want this. He got up and removed his shirt. The mark had spread and was now practically covering his entire side. It was blue at the moment, safe for the corners which were still tainted red. A sting reached his body and he inhaled quickly. He shivered quietly and put his shirt back on. He still felt cold. He grabbed the book on magical creatures that he now kept in his back and flicked the pages.

 ** _Chapter 3_**

 _[...] At some point the Veela will come to realise what it needs, and the simple knowledge will drive it made. It will do it's best to approach and court the mate, in a hopeful attempt to bond. The Veela will never feel complete or even remotely good without the mate; but it will seek happiness, for itself and for the mate. The Veela mark will eventually take over the entire body if the bonding is never completed. It's the sign of madness settling in._

Draco sighed and closed the book. He was scared of becoming mad, of growing into someone he is not. He left the room behind. Upon reaching the hallway he felt energy seeping into him, he felt a pull towards it; like it was making a line between him and the man he knew must be nearby. He followed the line with his eyes and said:

"Come out already Potter, I can smell you from a mile away" A cloak was removed and there he stood. Potter leaned against the wall and looked at him with crossed arms. Draco observed him for a while; his genes were doing summersaults upon seeing him so close by. Potter frowned.

"You forgot to put your glamour back on" He remarked. Draco inwardly insulted himself, but he simply shrugged. The line was pulling him closer and he had to actively fight it to stay at his proper place.

"What are you up to Malfoy? The Room doesn't work anymore its just storage" Potter added. Draco tried to walk away but he couldn't. The pull was allowing him to get closer but he was no longer strong enough to stay away.

"It's none of your business Potter"

"It is if you're planning to pull the school down" Draco raised an eyebrow at that. Did he seriously think that? He didn't answer; he simply looked at the Golden boy's feet. The latter observed him and took two steps closer.

"What the hell is wrong with you Malfoy?" He asked. Draco looked up at him and God he was so close. He opened his mouth but he couldn't speak. Potter was just there! And he was being pulled closer still. He could hardly breathe with the pressure. The skin from all over his body was titillating. He could feel the warmth of the other man's body against his own. Potter frowned:

"What _is_ it? You look as if you're two steps from fainting" Draco snapped out of it and replied with more force than was needed:

"I don't need a hero Potter, go and save someone else" Potter rolled his eyes.

"As if I'd save you Malfoy" And he walked away. Draco looked at him leave, feeling one pressure going while the unease set back onto his shoulders. His mark started burning again and all he could think of was: _Do save me_.

 **I'm sorry this chapter is less good. As I said, it is funny how inspiration goes? I need your opinion for something. I still don't know how to continue this, well I do but I'm wavering between two ideas. Do you think I should let Draco die, or let them have a 'happily ever after' ? I hope you will vote, because it is something I have to consider from now on! Thank you and review xxx**


	5. Truce

**Chapter Five: Truce**

Draco came to a peculiar conclusion. When alone, quite often he felt alright. He'd feel heavy as was normally the case, bad and alone. But then he'd take a deep breath and realise that it didn't hurt. He hadn't really thought about it the first couple of days, but then it suddenly sunk in. He was walking round the lake dressed with his thickest jacket and a warming spell when it hit home. He was able to walk without feeling tired, he was even hungry. At the sound of his stomach complaining he realised it. If he felt like this it had to mean Harry – Potter – had to be near. He stopped in his tracks.

If he truly concentrated on it he could feel his presence on his right, as if he'd been walking by his side from the beginning. He stopped and just felt it. He could have sworn that he heard his heartbeat, felt his breath against his neck.

He wanted to turn and face him, confront about all this; but something stopped him. He wanted him to stay close and he also wanted to know. But he felt alright at these times and he wanted it to remain; so he stayed silent and let it pass.

It happened several times and a kind of unease settled between them. Draco looked at him during class, and sometimes he's look back. It was as if they both knew that the other knew. Finally when he entered the library one afternoon, he could feel his presence directly. His hands itched, but he still didn't want the git. He needed his proximity without wanting it. He saw Potter sitting at one of the back tables with Granger. He took a deep breath and a decision. With a firm heart he walked over to him and said determinedly:

"Potter, a word" His heart skipped a beat when the other looked at him. Potter excused himself to Granger and walked into an alley expecting Draco to follow. The latter breathed in and joined him. Without looking at him and without wasting a second he ordered:

"I demand to know why you are following me" Potter sighed and leaned against the books.

"I'm not all that sure Malfoy" He started "You seem different, it's odd"

Draco looked up, only to find him staring intensively, as if he was looking through him.

"I mean look at you" He continued "You glamour your face and probably a hell lot more, you sneak out at all times. What are you trying to do? Starve yourself in the name of _the Lord_?"

Draco wanted to answer, snap at him, be mean, anything. In all fairness, he hadn't even thought of the Dark Lord and he wasn't at that time. He couldn't think of anything actually, only that he could feel Potter's power, and it felt amazing.

"This is what I mean!" The Golden boy interjected "Here I am insulting you and you just stare. What the hell is up with you?"

Draco snapped out of his stupor and took a step back.

"I still don't need a hero Potter"

Potter got closer to him and leaned towards him in a whisper of:

"Then you will stop looking like a fucking damsel in distress?"

Draco raised his hand without thinking and slapped right against his cheek. Potter was taken aback and was going to counterattack when Draco doubled over with a sharp outcry. His mark started burning so much, his entire side was on fire, his right arm felt numb and he collapsed forward. Potter caught him and without a shred of hesitation picked him up bridal style and ran to the hospital wing. Draco's last memory was looking up at his chin, stretching his hand to touch his skin. His mind had already gone and he was acting purely on instinct.

He didn't even open his eyes after his beauty sleep before he realised that Potter was still there. In fact his hand was being held quite sweetly. He heard madam Pomfrey looking through her stock; he heard Potter's increased heartbeat and felt he couldn't stay this way. He took his hand back, mentioned nothing of it and sat up. Potter observed.

"Evening Princess" He then remarked upon. Draco would have loved to hit him again, but having seen firsthand was it did to his system, he simply ignored him.

"What time is it?" He asked, upon which Potter answered easily:

"Past dinner time"

Draco buried his head in his hands.

"You can go you know" He said sarcastically "Potter saved the day again, thanks a lot and do call again"

Potter sighed and got up.

"I'm tired of all this. Become normal real soon ok?" He said without looking him in the eye. He disappeared before Draco could answer. He supposed it was the best get well he was going to get.

"It's him, isn't it?" Madam Pomfrey said upon reaching his bed "I noticed that you reach out for him in your sleep"

 _Oh how wonderful_ , Draco thought, _I really am the fucking princess_. He refused to answer and only politely let her do her duty, ticking her off when he considered her annoying.

Draco found that becoming normal again was going to be hard. He felt an itch beneath his skin and it was driving him mad. Emotions came over him and he felt certain they were not his own. Sadness when he'd find himself once again alone in bed; jealousy upon seeing Potter with his Mudblood loving friends – the girls especially; excitement when he'd catch him looking; and a whole lot of others that he had no control over.

One day was specifically bad. Monday had always been the worst, seeing as how he would neither cross nor see Potter; but this time it was even worse. He's always known he was attractive, and what with the added allure he was very popular indeed; but people always just admired. _Look but don't touch_ , his mother had always said; but this morning a particular obnoxious huffelpuff touched him, and it would seem he was the first domino falling; for very soon he found himself being caressed randomly. And his mark was not enjoying the touches at all. After all that, he had a short break and thought it was a good idea to go to the room of Requirements. When he arrived there he saw two people leaving it. They were holding hands and sending each other shy smiles. Draco thought he was going to die.

He ran to the nearest safe haven and came upon the girl's unused bathroom. His eyes were crying out and his entire body was shaking with sobs. He felt angry at himself for this, for accepting these foreign feelings; it only made him cry more. His mark was burning up and he could feel it spreading over his ribs, close to his collarbone. He unbuttoned his shirt and looked at it. If he looked closely he could actually see it spreading round his back. He could feel it in his core: the madness settling in. Those foreign feelings were becoming his, even if he didn't understand it.

"Malfoy?" He heard from behind and he could have sworn he heard his mind fall to pieces right there and then. He turned round and looked at his beautiful mate – because he was beautiful – and he felt so incredibly angry at him; angry for seeing him like this, angry that he was with Weasley, angry that he was his future. He started yelling at him, insulting him. He called him names, called his family names, told him to piss off, to go and die already. Potter's temper got the better of him and soon they were throwing everything they had. Draco snapped and threw the first hex; and it was a dual between lovers. They hid behind toilets, broke toilets, got Moaning Myrtle terrified; all the while breaking something from the inside.

Draco was so angry and so tired, so fed up with anything, that he completely lost himself. He raised his wand and the word was on the tip of his tongue:

"Cru-" And then he got a blow. He wasn't sure if it was his genes hating him for his actions, or something else. His wand dropped to the floor as he stumbled backwards. He touched his abdomen and a thin layer of blood poised itself onto his skin. He fell to his knees at the same time Potter threw himself to the floor to catch him.

"Oh Merlin, what have I done what have I done" He kept repeating, holding Draco almost tenderly, apologizing repeatedly; but Draco could not hate him. He was past that, the madness was here and it had decided for him: Thou shalt not hate Harry Potter. And so he didn't. Potter practiced every healing spell he knew but the bleeding continued. He grabbed a hold of Draco's face and searched his eyes:

"Draco, Draco" He called "Tell what to do"

Draco tried his best to keep his eyes open but the pressure was making him fall. He was already so terribly weak that his body couldn't hold the blood loss much longer; but when he looked into the crying eyes of his mate, he found just enough strength to grab hold of Harry's wand and cast the strongest healing charm he possessed. Potter then put an arm under his shoulders, the other under his knees and carried him.

"Do you want to go to the hospital wing?" He asked. Draco knew too damn well that if he was brought there, then Madam Pomfrey would know and she'd make sure that Harry was properly punished. A churning in his torso kept him from doing that, instead he whispered:

"Take me to the Room"

Neither needed explanations as to what the Room meant. Harry nodded and carried him without word. He didn't ask when Draco held onto his shirt tightly. It appeased him.

The room was indeed left as storage, lost were its former functions. Harry laid Draco down on one of the chairs, now feeling unsure as to the next step. He suddenly noticed the mark on Draco's body through his torn shirt. He frowned.

"What is really wrong with you?"

"Nothing" Draco replied quickly, sitting up best he can "It's none of your business Potter. It's not even business"

"You haven't been purposely doing that have you?" Harry added unsure.

"Even if I had Potter, it's still nothing to do with you; but I have not, no"

A silence settled between the two, where Draco fidgeted and continued to perform some healing on his wounds. He found out that they had mostly healed through Harry's contact.

"Will you be okay?" The Gryffindor finally asked. Draco nodded and looked at him.

"There's no reason for you to stay you know. Hop off to your goody two shoes friends. Or is there anything you want?" He asked sarcastically. Harry got up with a firm look in his eyes.

"There is actually" He said determinedly "I want to stop fighting. Clearly you're no longer up for it, and I've got better things to do. So..."

He took two steps closer as the bold lion that he is and outstretched his hand for Draco to grasp.

"What do you say?" He questioned tentatively "Non violent Truce?"

Draco stared at the hand for a while. On the one hand he wanted to take it, were it only to feel Potter's skin against his own once more; but on the other hand he dreaded his reaction. He was afraid it would be too much for his Veela to have the contact only to lose it. So all he did was reply:

"A truce is per definition non violent Potter"

Potter rolled his eyes with an almost fond smile that made Draco's inside leap.

"You never know with us" He replied and kept his hand firmly in place. Draco waited a moment more and then nodded.

"Truce then. But don't expect me to touch your hand, I don't know where you've been" He decided. Harry shrugged at that.

"Only in your blood" He answered as if it was normal. Draco bit his lip not to chuckle at that and replied:

"How crude, now go away before I throw more of my amazing blood on your disgusting face; you do not deserve the privilege"

Harry laughed at that and turned round.

"Yeah I'm off. Will you be alright?" He asked before leaving. In all fairness, Draco had forgotten about it and just nodded. With a flick of his hand he sent the Golden boy away. It was weird how things went, and Draco's 'animal side' had never been happier.

 **Woah I'm getting fast. It's still not to late to vote! (See chapter four), please like and review! xxx**


	6. Followed again

**Dame-of(the-living-dead Thanks so much for your review! Seeing as how you were the only vote, your side won, they will both live! :) And I am sorry for OOC'ness from time to time. I have a tough time to make them get together without it being at least a little OOC, so it will arize in future chapters too, for which I apologize! Thanks xxx**

 **Chapter Six: Followed... Again.**

They hadn't talked much since the truce; which is fair because a truce doesn't equal to being bffs or something. And let's be honest, as if Malfoy and Potter would go from sworn enemies to 'hey how was your day' smack on shoulder friends. They crossed paths from time to time and they'd nod. It was enough to be noted though; what with them being the main attraction in Hogwarts, their 'peace' seemed awfully quite, echoing in the halls of the castle. Draco could bet that as much as his gang was pestering him, Harry would receive his fair share from the golden Trio, not to mention his girlfriend.

He thought back upon it, and decided to erase the last remark, if only to keep his sanity. He had never seen them together but he felt quite certain that whenever his skin burnt without someone touching him personally, it was her. Bitch.

Draco had ostracized himself, for the greater good. He was doing his utmost to keep his secret a secret, and with self-centered, fashionista, big, fat and ugly hanging over his shoulder it was becoming harder. So he had accepted the offer of having his own private quarters placed on the fifth floor. At first he was happily surprised that he slept better in that room, then he realised that he was closer to Harry there.

Oh god Harry... He was so fucked.

Pansy pestered the poor prickly person by pug-packages. Draco thought she'd never leave. She followed him around, touched him even when he yelled at her and came into the dorm (Blaise had told him, he was no longer there of course). Even now, she was behind him, going:

"Dray, please turn and look for a minute!" He sighed and looked. He did look. He raised an eyebrow:

"And I am looking at what?"

"At me!" She yelled "You haven't looked at me for weeks!"

Draco rolled his eyes and continued on his way.

"I've never looked at you Pans, you're not interesting on the eye" He said. Pansy circled round him and set him a knowing look.

"Because I'm not Potter?" She remarked upon. Draco didn't even look at her, didn't answer. Potter remarks had fallen so often in the past days – weeks maybe – that he had grown tired of it. Or to be honest, he trembled unconsciously every time he heard his name. Blaise was behind them and added:

"No Pans. He doesn't look and nor does anyone else. You're face looks like you smashed your nose on a wall" Pansy huffed and ran away undignified. Draco nodded at his friend and they walked on. After a while Blaise whispered:

"She has a point you know. I really, really get why you don't look at her but there is more. Now you know I'm the only who has never mentioned this, but what is going on between you and Potter?"

Tired as Draco is, he stopped fighting just for a moment and replied with a sigh:

"It's complicated" He looked at Blaise and saw something of a confident in him, something he was perhaps looking for "Can you keep a secret?"

Blaise raised an eyebrow.

"I swear if you've been trying to get in his pants, I will murder you for not telling me sooner" Draco shook his head.

"Not his pants exactly" He sighed and gave him a sign of the head to follow him. They went into his own quarters, talking of non sense on the way, about potions mostly. The day was up and they had all night if they wanted to. They might need it. Draco invited him in, let him sit, and even offered him a cup of tea like a perfect host. Blaise rolled his eyes:

"Okay fancy pants, stop jittering, sit down and tell me about the Potter business" He said. Draco fidgeted a little more but finally sat down in his arm chair. He waited a bit more and finally said:

"I'm a Veela, or half, or quarter; that's not awfully clear" Blaise stared at him for a while.

"That explains why you've been looking so sexy this year" He replied. Draco sent him a grin:

"You know you can only find me sexy if you're attracted to men"

"... That's for another time. Come on spill"

Draco got up and went to his window, all the while finally admitting to it all.

"So I'm a Veela. Sexy as hell, gorgeous, not female, blablabla. Got my inheritance and everything, it's not all that fun"

"And all this means?"

Draco looked out on the grounds for a moment then took his wand. He closed his eyes and whispered _finite_ , effectively removing his glamour. He heard his friend intake his breath at the sight of him, and he understood. Without his glamour his cheeks seemed hallow, his beautiful blue eyes had taken on a dark shade of gray, his clothes were clearly too large for him, even his hair had started falling out in places. He was a mess, and Blaise couldn't even see his body beneath his robes. He was skinny, dangerously so in fact. His skin was pale but had bruises everywhere. Worst of while, his mark had spread even further; whilst it had remained nicely on his side for a while, it had now started taking over his hip and his thigh; Draco even had a limp, at least when he was too tired to pretend that he hadn't. Blaise got up and joined him:

"What happened to you?" Draco simply shrugged.

"Veela stuff" He said "Apparently to survive I need a mate of some sort"

"Yeah I read about that, after the triwizard tournament and all"

"Figures. Anyway, I can find my mate and everything; if I don't bond with him I'm still dying"

Blaise passed a hand through his hair and puffed.

"Geez... And I take it Potter's the mate, that sucks" He said.

"Yeah a bit"

They both sat back down again and started talking about everything that's happened; about all that Draco's been experiences since his birthday.

"Why don't you just tell Potter? I'm sure he'll bond with you, if only to satisfy his hero complex" Blaise suggested well into the evening. Draco sighed.

"He probably would. But I don't want to bond, you know? Even less with him. I mean, I'll be stuck with the git for the rest of my life"

"I feel you, but it's either that or die"

"Think I'd rather die"

"Then think again, moron"

Draco did think again, and the answer was still no. It'd be basically like marriage, and in his mind the thought sounded far too wrong: _I'm marrying Potter_. Hell no. He went to the Room of Requirements; he still didn't know why he kept going. He had his glamour back on, but with no one in the corridors he let his leg hurt. The mark was digging in further; it was starting to shape into feathers on his side. He struggled to move sometimes and thanked his upbringing for having taught him to keep it all to himself. Voices were also starting to speak to him, voices in his head driving him over the edge. _Get Potter, fuck Potter, tell Potter, love Harry_ , they said; At least that's what he supposed, they mumbled too much; but it was clawing at him.

In the corridor he stopped. He had grown accustomed with the feeling by then and could recognize it immediately. He did a turn on himself but there was no one there; yet... there was. He could feel him; and seeing as how he was the only there, Harry must be following him, and not someone else. Draco felt almost flattered at the idea, while some part of him – the part which forced a genuine smile to come upon his face – was delighted that Harry was taking an interest in him. He sneaked into the Room, more forgetting his limp than actually hiding it.

He sat in front of the mirror of Erised and stared at it. For a moment it was just him again, with that stupid smile, but then he could see the door in the reflexion open. He quickly turned round to check but the door remained firmly closed. When he looked back in the mirror, the door was still opening and in came mister himself: Golden boy Harry Potter, wearing an equally stupid grin.

Draco put his head in his hands and whispered: _fuck this, I'm changing_.

Actually, he wasn't the only one changing. Throughout the entire History of Magic lesson, Harry was there, staring at him. Draco noticed this because his head absently turned towards him, feeling that pull again. Every time he looked, Harry looked back. He was almost starting to feel shy; and Blaise noticed it too, now paying extra attention. He raised an eyebrow at the Gryffindor and he just sent one back. He hardly even paid attention when Granger spoke to him. Draco bit his lip and continued his observation. His butterfly was acting up as if his Veela genes had commanded it, but his heart was not into it. Yet.

This weird attitude carried on for approximately two and a half day before Draco snapped. He felt eyes following him around the room and from the feeling he knew who it was. When he walked around in the corridors he felt his presence, when he concentrated he could even hear his breathing. Actually, he wasn't sure if it was Harry's breathing or his own. His nerves were shattering. Even his class he just continued watching. Draco had hesitated to send him a note but he couldn't. He hated himself for it; for being so shy. It felt like he was a teen girl crushing on the hot guy of class. Except he isn't a teen girl, and he isn't crushing. He's just falling, down, down and down, but not in love.

So on that day, he was walking to the Room of Requirements; he had taken several turns to make sure that he was being followed; he soon came to realise that yes indeed he was. He took a deep breath and paced in front of the opening. There was not much point thinking of anything, the room was broken anyway. He went in, leaving the door open to close by itself. He could feel him following. The rope tying them together got less tight as they drew nearer. Draco collected himself and sat down just as the door closed. He crossed his legs and looked at where he knew Harry was.

"You are following me Potter, again" He said. Harry removed his cloak, throwing it on the floor.

"You knew all this time?" He asked guiltily. Draco nodded.

"Your breathing is fairly loud" He waited for the Gryffindor to sit and added "So are you going to explain this stalking"

Harry shrugged and ruffled his hair.

"Dunno really; beats looking at Ron and Hermione snogging all day"

"Really Weasel and Granger? Makes a... formidable pair I'm sure"

Harry chuckled and Draco felt his heart involuntary skip a beat.

"You can say it. They're pretty disgusting. Hermione's all shy and Ron's all mouth; literally. I had no idea a mouth can actually open that wide" He replied. Draco shuddered at the thought and pinched his nose.

"Ok great thanks. I'll have that image in my head all day now" He answered.

"Oh I don't know, there's worse"

"Like what?"

"Like imagine you sleeping on the bunk next to Ron, them slipping in at about midnight and forgetting to put a silencing charm up" Draco made a disgusted face.

"Alright, I surrender. That's far worse and I will not even attempt to imagine it, thankyouverymuch"

Harry chuckled and looked at him. He just stared for a moment and then whispered:

"What's wrong with you? I can bet my T in Potions that you're wearing a glamour again" Draco got up and started rummaging through the stock.

"That's still none of your business Potter" He grabbed a case from underneath a huge stock of stuff "Just because we can talk about Granger and Weasley's sexual habits doesn't mean you can ask me that"

He took the case and laid it on the closest table. He opened it up and a few snores were heard from within. He looked at Harry and suggested:

"Game of Chess then?" Harry scooted closer and grabbed the white king who started groaning between his fingers.

"Yeah okay then"

Harry played the white ones and Draco played the black ones. Darkness won every time.

 **I was a bit slower on this one, but I still applaud my efforts haha hope you will like and review please !**


	7. Boredom and Dying Things

**Chapter Seven: Boredom Things (And Dying things)**

They met up from time to time. Mostly because Harry continued to follow him and Draco would tell him to come out. They played chess; they didn't even really speak. Through the corridors they did no more than nod, in class they stopped staring at each other and actually paid attention to the lessons; Draco had even started to eat a bit. He still felt the pull, but he could ignore it knowing that he'd probably see Harry up close soon enough. He thought this would be enough, to be 'acquaintances'; but then one day, clearing up the chess board, their fingers touched, and while Harry brushed it off easily, Draco was struck. Last time he felt his power but this time it was more than that. He did feel his power but he also felt something warm go through his entire body, he felt safe. It made him realise how unsure and scared he truly was. The cold was horrible afterwards and Draco couldn't bring himself to be 'nice' to Harry anymore for that day.

He stood in front of his mirror one evening, looking at his mark. It had stopped growing for the past week where he had been with Harry every evening, but now it seemed to have picked up again. For seven days this 'chess-relationship' was enough, but now his genes needed more. He turned and saw that the mark was spreading on his back; they were just stripes for now, but like on his leg he supposed they would form feathers. It was going to get worse, he felt it. At first the pull was strong enough just to get them nearer, now it really needed the contact. He felt alright when he was near, but he never felt good anymore; except at that one touch.

It was Saturday and the snow had fallen on the grounds. The younger were out doing snowball fights, couples were holding each other to stay warm – weak excuse, warming spells are quite good – and some used this time to stay indoors in front of the fire. Draco went walking. He was hoping that the cold weather would make his insides feel less frisky, logical mistake to make. He stopped in front of the lake, which was completely frozen over. He breathed out and smiled at the 'smoke' coming out of his mouth, it reminded him of the few good memories he has of his youth. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the crisp wind, refusing to put a warming charm. He took a breath and a warm air reached him, he could almost taste it on his lips. So he stayed put and prepared himself, like he had to every time.

"Ullo" Harry indeed said once he was at his height. Draco simply nodded. They stared at the lake.

"I'd love to do some ice-skating, seems perfect for it" Harry said.

"Do some what? Don't try muggle terms on me Potter, I'm not partial to them" Draco replied, earning a smile from Harry.

"Never mind" The latter moved away while Draco remained where he was. He was just going to say something when something cold and approximately round hit his back. He turned round to see Harry standing there with a grin on his face and a snow ball in his hands. Draco raised an eyebrow and enquired politely:

"Do I really look like that kind of person?" Harry shrugged and threw the snow against the tree.

"No not really I guess" He replied "You just got that kind of face you want to slap"

"So Granger has made me understand" Harry chuckled at that.

"Oh that was hilarious. Scarred you pretty little face, did it Malfoy?" Draco sent him a malicious grin.

"Never knew you thought I had a pretty face" Harry shrugged again and put a foot on the water to test the ice.

"It's more common sense really"

Draco thought he might faint. So Harry **did** find him good-looking, and he had chuckled at what he said! Oh bloody hell he felt like that teen again... He watched him do his things, putting both his feet on the ice and then crouching down. Harry passed his hand over the ice, and then peered down.

"Trying to see your reflection Potter? Don't you have mirrors in your tower?" Draco asked. Harry didn't look up but replied:

"Nah I'm trying to see if the skid is frozen somewhere there. Good chance to see it" The Veela approached him:

"What? You think the skid freezes every winter and then defrosts or something? Like that's its version of winter sleep?" Harry got up and looked at him sheepishly.

"It does sound stupid put like that"

Draco rolled his eyes and started walking on. They talked about this and that, mostly about school stuff, making sure that the conversation stayed light. Draco knew that he'd ruin this fragile, yet somehow precious, little thing that was building between them – but that had been integrated into his DNA a while back – by mentioning things too deep; too many things had happened between them.

They saw each other again by the lake the following Thursday when Potions was cancelled because Seamus had exploded a cauldron. Draco had transfigured a rock into a chess board, so this afternoon was a lot like their usual evenings; except that they were out in the open, where everyone could see them; and everyone did. Harry had just lost yet another match when they heard a loud ** _Oi!_** behind them. A seemingly quite furious Weasel came up to them and crossed his arms.

"You seem cosy" He remarked. Harry made a move with his knight and replied:

"Quite comfy yeah, thanks"

Weasley waited for something, stared at them with smoke coming out of his ears. Harry finally looked up at him.

"Yes Ron? Did you want something?" He enquired.

"An explanation would be nice" Harry nodded and pointed a bit around him.

"Of course. So this is Draco Malfoy, you may have heard of him; and this is a chess board. We are playing chess. Clear enough?" He said. Draco felt his heart go out to the lad, he was sassy and actually quite sexy that way. Weasley fumed.

"What are you doing with him? You ditched my sister for this?"

Draco got interested at this point. Thinking about it, he remembered that he hadn't had those 'touch' pains in a while. Harry sighed ad replied:

"I haven't ditched her Ron. She sought out a fight with me, and now won't speak to me. I am certainly not chasing her"

"No you're hunting ferrets instead!"

Harry looked over to Draco curiously.

"Oh look I think I caught one. Either that or it's too scared to run away"

Draco actually had to hide a smile at the conversation. Weasley was furious – and oh he does love a furious Weasel – and Harry was just hilarious. Weasley was on his last nerves.

"You really choose him above us? He's a bloody Death eater who will probably end up killing you anyway! He's a worse back stabber than Dumbledore!" He practically yelled. Draco stored this for future use. Harry sighed and got up.

"It's not a question of choosing Ron" He started "Ginny yells at me all the time, and you two snog all the time; which is all fine but then you must accept that I look somewhere else for some peace"

Draco looked between the pair, expecting Weasley to lash out on him; but some truth seemed to dawn on him and he remained almost calm. He just closed in on Harry and said:

"When he becomes a bastard again, don't expect us to be there" He then turned round and walked away. Harry called after him:

"I handle bastards quite well thanks!"

Harry sighed and sat back down by Draco.

"I'm sorry about that" He said "We sort of had a tiff two days ago and he's been angry at me since"

"I won't ask" Draco replied, because he could see that it was a sensible topic "I will however ask you some other questions, if I may"

Harry nodded and moved the chess board out of the way. He then put his back comfortably against the tree.

"Fire away"

"Firstly, why do you spend all this time with me? I doubt it must be all that amusing to lose at chess approximately four times a day" Harry sent him a grin.

"Is Drakey-Poo insecure?" He said mockingly, chuckled at himself for a bit and added "Well basically I'm bored, and you're not boring. Even loosing chess against you is alright. So these are just my boredom things"

Draco felt a pang that all their time together was just for amusement but he could understand it. Had his genes not been mashed and fucked up, he probably would have done the same thing.

"What was the fight about?" Draco asked, even when he said he wouldn't.

"Things. Next question"

"Okay. What did Weasley mean by ' _Dumbledore the back-stabber'_?" Harry sent him a smile:

"I thought you might catch that. Want to walk for a bit? It's quite a boring story"

Thus they started walking. Harry had even performed a new warming charm on both of them, and that simple fact made Draco feel warm. He inwardly cursed himself and wished he'd feel cold again. Harry started talking:

"After Voldemort killed my parents I was sent to my closest kin: Mum's sister and her family, muggles. Basically there was like a spell placed upon them which protected me or something, so I had to stay with them. Thing is that they hate Wizards, my mum especially; so I was treated like shit. Won't go into the details but I slept in a cupboard under the stairs, I did the cooking and the cleaning, everything. I was basically the house elf. Dumbledore knew this still he sent me back every summer. So ever since we found out that he had known all along, we reoffered to him as the back stabber. End of story"

Draco couldn't keep his eyes off Harry; there was a feeling of anger growing up inside him, while in his head all he felt was confusion. So the rich spoiled famous brat who defeated the dark lord, turned out to really just be a baby later on thrown in a terrible childhood; or no childhood at all. Draco felt something dying inside of him, in his head and in his genes: he felt his hate, his rage and his jealousy disappear, being replaced by something akin to admiration for this man. He felt his resolve dying and found himself wanting to be near Harry. It was still his genes ruling him, but they were starting to affect his neurones too. He frowned at the feeling and said:

"Well... stupid fucks" Harry sort of sent him a smile.

"Yeah, that they are" They continued walking on in silence a little more. Draco was at a loss for words. This was his mate practically being ill-treated! He stopped walking at that. He had called him his mate. Oh God he was going. He had acknowledged it for the first time.

"You okay Malfoy?" Harry asked, looking at him. Draco immediately continued walking.

"Yeah, fine" He answered. Harry raised an eye brow at his attitude but otherwise stayed silent. He did however say:

"Can I ask you a question now?"

"You just did Potter. Go on"

"Are you a Death-eater?"

Draco opened his mouth to answer but stopped. He hadn't really thought about it. Normally it would be at the top of his list but since the beginning of school, he hadn't thought of it. He supposed he was. Well he was the son of a Death-eater anyway but he wasn't sure he could stay. Go against his family or go against his mate? He held his head almost automatically high. He is a Malfoy, now and till the end. He would not go against his family, especially not for something as stupid as this would be. He replied:

"None of your business, Potter"

Harry rolled his eyes and raised his hands in defence.

"And here was me thinking we were having a moment"

Draco looked at him, something was growing in him while something else was dying. From the beating of his heart and the tightness in his throat he supposed the feeling was fear; and from his head hanging down he guessed his pride was dying. His mark started burning again and he groaned while holding himself. Harry was quickly by his side, holding him up by his shoulder.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked panicky. At the touch Draco immediately thought he would faint. He pulled back before it was too late and almost yelled:

"Don't touch me!" He started running back to the cancel, realising that indeed his pride must have died. His genes must have killed it. He never looked back, he couldn't.

He looked himself up in his room, crashing onto his bed. He didn't know what was becoming of all this. Those feelings that were not his were starting to become too close to him, he could feel it, he started to understand them. He even started to enjoy the git's attention, even if it was only boredom things; and not only just because it made him feel better, but he too felt less bored with him around. Oh God his resolve was dying too.

 **I'm not sure where I am going, but I am starting to really like this. It's off on a fairly slow start and I like that. There will be more real Drarry business from next chapter on! Hope you like and review xxx**


	8. Potions, smells and faints

**Chapter Eight: Potions, Smells and Faints.**

After his odd outburst, they hadn't spoken to each other for a solid three days, and Draco thought he might die there and then. He was going mental with mixed feelings: Sadness, Anger, Loneliness, he'd even caught himself having a fit of desire. He constantly wanted him just to be there and see him, even if he still didn't understand why. He decided that the git was... okay. He wasn't going into that subject. When going to the Room of Requirements and sitting in front of the mirror, as he does, he saw himself and the door opening behind him, he saw Harry coming in and sitting next to him; he saw him smiling and even putting an arm around his shoulders. He wasn't going into that subject either. During that time his mark had reached his spinal cord.

Back to my original point: They hadn't spoken for a solid three days before being paired together in Potions. Draco laid his eyes on him and something melted in him. He whispered:

"Hi" Harry sat down next to him and answered:

"Hi yourself, princess. Talking to me again?"

"Shut up" The Slytherin replied naturally. Harry sent him a smile and no more was said on the subject. They were back to normal, well as normal as normal is for them. They saw each other from time to time, talked a bit more about non serious stuff.

Now he sat in the Astronomy tower, with a blanket round his shoulders and a rolled up parchment in his hands. He recognized the Malfoy emblem immediately when he saw it, and knew it didn't come from his mother. He sighed and decided that there was no point in waiting. He opened it and read:

 _Draco,_

 _I have received notification from Hogwarts that you have been skipping class. I had supposed at first that you were doing your duty as ordered but Severus has assured me that you have done no such thing. I am deeply disappointed._

 _You have shirked your duty as a student, a Malfoy and a follower. How do you suppose you can succeed in life by abandoning everything?_

 _This, Draco, is a gentle warning that you better start attending classes again, as well as keep up the Malfoy name and stay loyal to the Dark Lord._

 _I will not accept this kind of attitude any longer. Should I receive any more notice of these activities, you will understand the importance of the situation. Do not aggravate me._

 _Lucius A. Malfoy_

 _Ps: I will expect an especially good behaviour during your Christmas break._

Draco sighed at that. He had completely forgotten his father existed, he was too absorbed by Harry, and by himself in a sense. Now still, in fact. He put the letter on the ground and whispered with his wand: _Incendio_. He got up and let the letter just burn with a last murmur of:

"Well fuck him"

"Today you will make Potion n°45" Snape announced that coming Thursday afternoon. Harry and Draco were still paired together and probably till the end of the year. Draco did most of the work and Harry just fetched and chopped things. At the news Draco rolled his eyes, Snape saw him and said only to him:

"I know Draco, but it's on the program I have to do it" Draco simply nodded. Harry looked between them both with a curious expression.

"He sounded human then, almost" He whispered. Draco raised an eye brow at him and replied:

"He's pretty normal you know"

"Don't try to make me believe that, I won't" He answered with a smile "Now what is this potion 40 something?"

Draco looked in his potion book all the while explaining:

"45, Potter, don't you listen? It's a scent potion, basically. It is meant to have an individual smell for each person,which is supposed to represent the most important smell for that person"

"Smell? How the hell can a smell be important?" Harry asked. Draco shrugged and flicked over to the ingredients.

"I read somewhere about a man who could smell semen and came to realise that the most important thing to him was sex, and plenty of it"

Harry openly laughed at that and added:

"Ok, now I'm afraid"

Draco sent him something a smile and turned to his books. He gave him the list of ingredients and sent him on his way while he made the pre-preparations. He idly wondered what kind of smell he'd recognize. When he was a kid trying out Snape's Potions he smelt the smell of fresh air and the sticks of his nimbus 2000, flying was his passion after all. He supposed things would be different now. He performed a quick time spell and noticed that Harry was taking far too much time. He got up and joined him in the storage room, where he found him looking stupidly at everything. He crossed his arms and said:

"What on earth are you up to, Potter? Lost your glasses?"

"I can't find your sodding Chisdufflers or something" He replied with a huff. Draco raised an eyebrow and looked at the list he had written down. He rolled his eyes:

"You really have shit on those glasses Potter. Chizpurfle it says" He looked for it himself and found it in a jar on a top shelf. He tiptoed to get it and then turned round with a triumphant look.

His breath was immediately taken from him. Harry was standing so close to him that he could feel his warmth on his skin. He laid his hands next to Draco's head and looked straight in his eyes. His hair tickled Draco's fair skin and his body pinned him down despite being smaller. Draco got a whiff of a sweet smell when Harry breathed out. It smelt of the morning's pie and tea, it smelt of earth and sweat. It smelt of something Draco would not define. Harry closed in on him, looking him straight in the eye as if asking for permission. Draco didn't have the strength to push him away. His eyes were closing from the intensity of the moment.

And he was gone. With a passing breeze Harry was away and back at his place. Draco stayed rooted in place, feeling disoriented and alone. It must have been a hallucination, Draco saw no other option. This was the next step of his madness. But when he came back to his seat, he saw that Harry was avoiding his eye and maybe it was real. His heart beat sped up as he sat next to him, keeping an eye on him. With a shake of his head he dismissed it and sat up straight in perfect composer, he could not do this. Nothing would happen anyway. He took a deep breath and sat down.

It was awkward between them, until Draco got fed up with it and pushed some ingredients towards him with a:

"Chop this up, Potter, instead of staring at Snape's arse or whatever" Harry raised an eyebrow but smiled soon after that.

"Oh you noticed that did you?"

They went on preparing the potions, almost like they were. They couldn't look each other in the eye but their remarks remained the same. Draco made the entire potion without any hiccups and Harry mostly watched, or he wrote down whatever Draco told him to write. Finally the mixture reached a deep red colour and Draco smiled triumphantly. He called Snape over, who bend down and took a whiff of it. For a moment his eyes closed and he seemed tranquil. He got back and said:

"It is correct, as usual. Good of you not to let Potter ruin your work, Draco"

Draco nodded as Harry rolled his eyes. The Slytherin gave him a sign of the hand for him to go first. He observed his reaction as he bent down over the cauldron. He closed his eyes and breathed in. His hair was falling over his glasses, pearls of sweat rolling over his forehead from the heat of the potion, his neck was exposed and showed the shadows of veins. Harry let out a long breath and with a frown he took in another smell. He turned his head and looked Draco in the eye for the first time since the incident. He stared intensively at him, they both did. Draco could feel his heart racing and beating against his chest. Draco sent him a look and he turned away quickly. Draco frowned at him and asked:

"So what did you smell? It looked pleasant enough" Harry shook his head and wrote something down on his parchment.

"Nothing too interesting. Your turn"

Draco turned a sceptical eye and bent down himself. At first the smell was elusive and Draco couldn't nail it down; but when he did it took his breath away, quite literally. He stopped breathing for a moment, so did his heart. He felt a pressure on his chest, and when his breathing came back it was ragged. It smelt of earth, of sweat, that smell he could not describe and oh god he was so fucked. Since when was Harry the most important thing in his life? He realised idly that for the past weeks, the only thing he had truly thought about was Harry, ignoring his studies and even his family for the first time since ever. He didn't look at Harry; he didn't change his composure – though Harry might have noticed his earlier reaction – and sat back down.

"It hasn't change for the past ten years. Still smells like flying" He remarked. Harry looked at him.

"How the hell does flying smell?" He asked. Draco shrugged.

"Get your arse up in the air, sniff and you'll see"

Harry puffed with a chuckle at that and turned to look at Snape. Draco didn't write anything down anymore, he couldn't. He kept staring at Harry's hand, too afraid to look at anything else. He realised with a huff that he quite liked him. He wasn't as spoilt as he thought, less gold than expected too, he was even somewhat fun; and Draco felt good in his presence. He sighed. Nothing was coming out of this. Sure Harry was – apparently – attracted to men; he seemed to like Draco's company; he had just about forsaken the golden trio to be with him and all that... but bonding was different. They were good as acquaintances, maybe even as friends; but they could never be something important, something that truly matters. At the knowledge his heart sunk, and his entire condition with it. His mark started burning ferociously and he groaned. He held his stomach as a strong wave of nausea hit him. He held up his hand quickly before the tears started welling up in his eyes, he didn't wait for Snape to answer and said:

"Professor may I leave? I don't feel too right and I have finished anyway" Snape waved his hand in approval and Draco got up, leaving his books behind. He felt the tears and the pain, so he couldn't go slowly; he started running away from the classes. Once out of sight he collapsed in a corridor, almost sobbing and fainting from the pain. He fell down to the floor but was caught quickly.

"What the hell is wrong Draco?!" Someone almost shouted. Draco closed his eyes; he knew who it was anyway. He gritted his teeth and replied:

"Leave me the fuck alone, Pot-" An outcry stopped his sentence. Harry sat down and dragged Draco on top of him.

"Oh come on, you can't pretend this is nothing"

Thanks to the touch, Draco got part of his energy, though his mark still hurt as if they were miles apart; but it was enough for him to get up. He breathed heavily and said angrily:

"This is a left over from your fucking Sectumsempra!" He turned round and ran. He felt terrible, physically because of this situation, and emotionally because of what he had said, and because he realised that this was his future – literally – that he was ruining.

Back in his room, he started thinking. He knew it was going to end; he would probably never finish his N.E. ; this was it; but somehow he felt even worse if things were going to end this way. He owed Harry something, he hadn't figured out what yet. He figured that they would never bond, but they were soul mates. He would not force him into anything; he wasn't even planning on telling him; but fact is that he would die, and with it Harry was losing his soul mate. He could and would be with someone, but his soul mate would be gone. He decided he could not leave it like this, if only for his own sanity; this soul mate stuff was all a bit rubbish to him anyway. He took a quill and started writing:

 _Potter,_

 _I am afraid my conduct this afternoon was nigh on unacceptable. I do apologize. As you may have guessed, and if you hadn't you are stupider than you like – which should be hard to do – my condition has no connection with our previous incident. It is quite simply a recent development in my health. It is nothing of great importance and I will not bore you with tedious details. Rest assured it is nothing, and I would appreciate your discretion on the matter. I am dealing with it and I would much rather people do not know._

 _Cordially,_

 _Draco Abraxas Lucius Malfoy_

 _Ps: You have called me Draco, Potter, do not think I forgot. Ask for permission, you berk._

He breathed in and called his personal owl. Tying it to it he watched it fly away with a tight heart. This was the first time he made a step towards him, and even though it was a small gesture, he still felt anxious. He was afraid to lose the git; he surprised himself by that, that those feelings were actually genuine. He lay back down, he couldn't deal with this.

He received an answer quite quickly and he immediately tore it open to read it.

 _DRACO,_

 _You don't half sound posh in writing. So Sir, I accept your apology gracefully._

 _Your explanation is fine for now, but if you're going to keep on fainting like a princess in my heroic arms then I'll need more than that._

 _I'm glad it's not my fault though; and I'm looking forward to Potions Tuesday (Hard to believe huh?), or if you fancy a game of chess, I'm always up to losing._

 _Cordially, or whatever the hell that means,_

 _Harry James Potter._

 **Finally some Drarry action! (Or something like that). I will warn you that next chapter will contain less Drarry, if none at all, but I need it** **for the story. Anyway, I hope you like and review xxx**


	9. Nothing but Pain

**Chapter Nine: Nothing but Pain**

Bang bang bang went Draco's head against the cupboard. He was going crazy, and it had only been a day! He looked at the snow falling out on the grounds of Malfoy Manor. He had always hated Christmas at home. In his fourth year he stayed at Hogwarts and he had loved it. This year was even worse. His body was reacting badly to the distance between himself and Harry. Ever since he had set foot on the train he felt heavy.

He had not seen his mother yet, but he had crossed his father, briefly. The latter had simply nodded at him and continued on his way. Draco ran up to his bedroom and he has been there ever since. Upon his arrival his stomach turned and he got sick once. He just felt so weak. He went to bed, considering himself safe from his father – and he cared very little if truth be told. One night, after chess, Harry left his scarf behind and Draco pretended he didn't know. He had brought the scarf with him; and he would thank everyone to not consider as that love sick teen, it is simply the only thing that gives his stupid genes some comfort.

He was adjusting to this being away; it was the first time since he knew, since the beginning of the year. He felt empty and alone, sad and angry, but mostly he felt bored. He realised that without Harry around there seemed to be nothing important enough to occupy him. He sighed and banged his head again. The books were right, even if you didn't want it this bond thing would worm its way into your life and somehow it does become all there is. Maybe you love the person or maybe you don't, but that person does become **_it_**.

He fell asleep on that thought, thanking Merlin that he was smart enough to take a dreamless sleeping draught.

"Dragon, Dragon" A sweet voice called and Draco opened his eyes. He hardly even felt bad for being disappointed. He sat upright, holding the Gryffindor coloured scarf against his chest, thanking his lucky stars that he did keep his glamour on. He smiled a little up to his mother and replied:

"Hi Mum" She smiled and refrained from hugging him; she probably knew all about the non-touching Veela thing. She sat next to him.

"How are you coping? I wanted to talk to you but your father has been so agitated lately I just didn't dare" She said. Draco shook his head.

"It is fine, I did not write for the same reasons" He replied "I did as well as can be expected, as you can see. My mate has been found and I am in the process of courting her, it is going well"

He swiftly lied. He didn't want to give her any compromising information that someone might want to steal from her. That and he didn't specifically want her to now; Harry was to be his guilty pleasure. His mother seemed delighted and very nearly hugged him.

"Draco that's wonderful! Who is it? Anyone we know?" She asked. Draco frowned for a moment and showed her the scarf, keeping it in his grip. She smiled.

"How perfect" She said honestly "I knew only a Gryffindor could be a match for you. I am really happy for you"

He got up and started sorting out his clothes.

"It is better than expected" He realised surprised that it probably was.

Draco didn't come down before dinner time, trying to avoid his father as long as he could. This was the moment he dreaded the most. He went downstairs and his father was there, standing next to the table in costume. He nodded to his son and indicated for him to sit down. All three of them sat at different ends of the table as food was served by the house elves. They never spoke. Draco looked at the food and felt faint. His vision blurred for a moment but he stayed up. He took a bite and he already couldn't take it. His stomach turned and yearned to be closer to Harry. He got up and ran to the nearest bathroom to puke. His mother was behind them. He got up and said almost angrily:

"Tell him I'm not finishing that dinner. Find a lie, anything. The sight of him makes me sick" He started moving away when his mother called:

"Do you want me to bring something to eat up to you?" Draco shook his head and walked up.

"Don't bother" He replied. He went back to bed, didn't even bother to take his clothes off. He simply took the scarf and sank into his bed. He forgot to take his potion but it would seem that so much of his energy went into not crying that his mind was too tired to come up with dreams. Sometime in the night he heard a whisper of:

"I love you, be careful tomorrow" But he paid no notice. The voice did not make him feel better; it only disappointed him that it wasn't the right one. He fell right back to sleep, clinging onto that bit of sanity.

That bit of sanity though, left him somewhere past one. He woke up in pain, twitching and groaning in bed. Out of the safety of personalised rooms he couldn't scream so he bit the insides of his cheeks. He stumbled out of bed and went to the window on all fours. He opened it hoping the night breeze would sooth him. It didn't. He wanted the night to take him away. Then it would be over. Damn this Veela business. He hit his fist against the wall; he was done with this; done with crying over nothing, done with feelings, done with loving. He had never known those things and he didn't want to; but if there is something to be said for a Malfoy, is that he does look after himself, and damn it he wants to live, even if it is spending the rest of his life by Golden Git's side. He would be damned if he let himself go without even trying, he liked himself too much for that.

In a fit of whatever his genes had come up with this time, he grabbed a parchment and wrote:

 _Potter,_

 _You are my mate._

 _Cordially,_

 _Draco._

He ripped it up and burnt it immediately, starting over again:

 _Potter,_

 _It is boring here. Do not get me wrong, Hogwarts is boring too, but at least there I get to be bored in a castle full of people – thought this was about you didn't you? – The Manor is empty safe for Mother and Father. Needless to say they are not the best company in the world; so I thought, let's pester Potter at least it is more interesting._

 _Are your friends still ignoring you? If yes, I did tell you to wash your hair._

 _Cordially,_

 _Draco Abraxas Lucius Malfoy._

 _Ps: Horse to A3._

He nodded to himself and whistled to call Arturo, his owl. He could have used the family eagles but he wanted to stay as discreet as possible. He watched him leave with anticipation. He sighed. Why did no one warn him that he wouldn't be able to fight his biology? This had become a second nature and while he had always been pretty good at hiding his nature, he had never been any good at fighting it.

Part of his nature is also to be dead scared. He had always been a coward, he looked after number one at all cost; and looking after number one means keeping his father and the Dark Lord on his side. Up till then he had succeeded quite well; up to meeting the Dark Lord himself. He did not expect, when he came down for breakfast, to find said Dark Lord in his living room accompanied by his followers. At least he supposed it was him. He wore a long black mantel, no hair and no nose. Draco felt chills going up his back at the sight of him; it was even worse when **_it_** came close to him with a smile.

"Ah Draco, finally we meet" He said and gave him a sort of hug. Draco stiffened. He tried to put up a smile and replied:

"I consider it an honour, my Lord"

He was disgusted with the man, if you could call it that. Part of him was proud to work with him, but the bigger side of him just did it because he felt this was the winning side. Now though, he supposed his mind was still here and his heart was moving over to the other side. How soppy. Voldemort made a turn amongst his followers and announced proudly:

"We are all here for you Draco" He moved in closer to him "Lucius has told me about your year. Lacking your studies no?"

Draco kept his head high up as his father taught him.

"It is a temporally condition my Lord" He replied. Voldemort appeared at his side and whispered – hissed – in his ear:

"But it isn't it?"

Draco turned chocked eyes towards him. Oh god he knows. He kept his composure even though he was trembling deep inside. Voldemort smiled and addressed his followers.

"Yes, our own golden boy is not himself today" He flicked his wand slowly over the Slytherin's body. A few gasp, a few laughs were heard in the room; and Draco realised that his glamour was off. He wanted to stay proud but he found it was hard when exactly the wrong people saw him this way. He kept his head up and his gaze down. The Dark Lord put his bony finger and nail on his temple and Draco closed his eyes in pain. He wanted to fight against it, but he knew he was too weak and cooperating would be the best for him in the long run. He felt his energy being drained from him as the memories from the last couple of months came back. Voldemort let out a triumphant laugh.

"Lucius, Lucius ~" He practically sang "Your son is Harry Potter's soul mate"

Something collapsed deep within Draco as his father and Voldemort discussed his Veela condition. He zoned out. This was it; he was going to be killed there and then. The entire gang started talking, putting in suggestions. Draco listened and to his surprise, it would appear that no one wanted him dead. No, they wanted to use him to get to Harry. He breathed in and replied loudly to all:

"I will not do anything against him" He was panicking but he had to stand up for this. He was going to die anyway; people might as well tell Harry that it was for him. Voldemort smiled and approached him closely. Draco's skin whimpered. Lucius was on his other side.

"You will do as you are told" His father ordered.

"Yes you will" The Dark Lord added and he was surrounded "We will make sure of that"

He didn't even hear the order but soon his entire body shook and he sank to his knees. White-hot knives pierced every inch of his skin, his head busted with pain; he was screaming more loudly than he'd ever screamed in his life. He'd been threatened but he had never received it. Tears welled up in his eyes and he thought of Harry. Everything went black from the pain, all he wanted was for it to stop... to die.

When it did stop, he really did believe he was dead. He remained on the floor; the only thing he could thing he could think of was: _stop, stop, stop_. This pain was worse than anything he had ever felt; worse than leaving Harry, and that was damned painful. They left him there, stripped off of his pride and everything he stood for. He lifted teary eyes towards that _thing_ and announced clearly:

"I will not do anything against him" He was no longer fighting for himself. He did not know this – but I do – but his genes were no longer interested in him, they were geared to something else; he was in such a bad state anyway, that it hardly mattered. For some reason, his body had convinced his mind that he had to do this to become someone in Harry's eyes. Voldemort just laughed at his efforts and pronounced his curse again, and again.

He was withering, little by little. The pain was making him go crazy and he wished so much to have his scarf in his arms. He could no longer get up, could no longer feel anything other than pain. He could hardly think of Harry, he could only see darkness and live hurt. He was long gone. He could feel his mark growing on his skin, but even that hardly mattered. He sobbed and finally shouted:

"Okay, okay! I give in!"

Voldemort laughed and bent over him. He waved his wand at Draco and lifted him with magic, carrying him to the nearby chair and he collapsed into it. He looked at that half human half something creature; how could he follow this? He understood and stood for the cause, but he could not help this person doing this; but it didn't matter anymore. He had stopped dying and now he had to think of himself again; only he didn't have the energy. He just let it all happen. He was tied to the chair and his body was shaking too much to resist.

"It is time" The Dark Lord announced "Lucius, I do expect that now you and your family will be up to standards"

Lucius practically crawled to him, proclaiming their faith and loyalty. He hit Draco across the cheek, shouting something that his son could not hear. Draco was long gone. So when the Dark Lord came to brand him his, he hardly noticed. Even the carving of the mark went easily, like his body had become immune to this type of pain; but he knew that this was the easy part. The mark was physically there, it still had to be connected to Voldemort. The latter thus came to him and pointed his wand. He pronounced a curse Draco did not recognize and there it was.

The pain was worse. Blades pierced his body but he was pushing his flesh as a wall against them, making them enter deeper. He felt ripped open and apart. He dug his nails in the wood, throwing his head back in Agony. His soul was gone but his body was fighting the connection, as if screaming: _this is the wrong person!_ He cried and screamed, his breathing stopped for a while.

Everything stopped.

"Did I nightmare it?" He whispered with half lidded eyes the next morning. He felt nothing, only empty. He heard a sweet reply from by his side:

"You didn't" He turned his head and looked at his mother lying next to him. She had tears on her cheeks.

"I am so sorry Draco" She whispered "This should not have happened"

Draco shook his head.

"It's not your fault mum" He could not blame. In fact he couldn't do anything. He turned his head and saw that horrible tattoo on his arm brandishing his perfect skin; perfect on that side at least. He closed his eyes. Harry would never want him now, not that he did before but now his chances were gone. His mother gave him a parchment.

"This arrived for you" She said.

Draco took the letter and opened it, not caring that his mother could see. Before he read it, she said:

"I know it's him, and that's fine"

"Thanks mum" He replied, but not caring all that much. He read:

 _Hi Draco,_

 _It's boring here too. You should be grateful there is someone. I did wash my hair actually but Ron still won't talk to me; anyway he's at the burrow. Hermione's gone too. There's only Neville here, and he's not much good either._

 _Please do pester me, I love that. Makes me horny (That was a joke if you didn't catch that, you douche bag)._

 _I'm glad you talked to me actually. Strange how we moved on huh?_

 _I'm alone for Christmas, I almost wish you were here, almost._

 _Anyway take care,_

 _Harry._

 _Ps: Pawn to E4._

Draco almost smiled. He rolled the parchment up and turned on his side. It was morning but he didn't care, he would sleep this all away. He held the scarf as his mother whispered in his ear:

"Tonight we leave"


	10. Hide and Find

**Firstly, I want to give a great big thumbs up, hugs and kisses to go2sleep! Thank you so much for your review. I don't receive many and yours was very touching, so really thank you for that. I do try to be somewhat quick in my posts. If my inspiration stays (which it usually doesn't) then there should be no problem!**

 **Chapter Ten: Hide and Found.**

There was a loud pop on the grounds of Hogwarts and two figures appeared in the confines of the forbidden forest. Draco had always hated apparition, and especially when carrying his trunk and his owl with him; but compared to his mum he was the cat's whiskers. She was on the floor, groaning and holding onto her arm. Draco kneeled by her side.

"What is it?" He asked concerned. She showed her arm where the dark mark was burning up, red and hot against her skin. She whispered:

"It's him, he knows we left, he's calling us back" She managed to get up, holding onto her mark. She looked up at him with a frown "Don't you feel it?"

Draco rolled up his sleeve; the mark was there, but there was no reaction, he hardly even felt it, safe for the stinging from the morning. His mother heaved a sigh of relief.

"You know what this means don't you?" She said "The connection has not been made! Your genes must have pushed it away"

Draco looked at the mark, that mark he hated; but he smiled at it. He had it, it meant he was a death-eater, but he wasn't bonded to Voldemort, so to speak. He was still free. Free until he dies because of that of course. He wanted to help his mother, but he still couldn't touch her, so he carried all the luggage.

"What will we do Mother?" He asked as they walked their way up to the castle. He already felt better; his body knew and could feel that Harry was close by. His mother shrugged.

"It's hard to tell. Hogwarts is our safest corner but I would be lying if I said we'd be completely protected here. Lucius has authorisation to come after all. I don't know. For now we will both stay here, you will remain here till the end of the year and I will probably go to Evelyn in France. For now this is good enough, Dumbledore has given us his protection" She explained. Draco got one of his father's instinct when his headmaster was mentioned, he immediately felt unsure, distrustful; but he wouldn't contradict his mother. The latter smiled at him.

"Hogwarts' magic works on me too" She said "The mark hardly hurts anymore. The wards are stopping it"

Professor Dumbledore met them inside the castle, explaining the proceeded. They were to stay in Draco's quarters and the house elves would see to their every need. Draco had the choice, if he so wished it, to make his presence noted; but he did not wish it. The less known of this, the better. So they moved onto the room, taking deserted hallways and avoiding every one. Part of Draco was hoping that Harry was sneaking round in his invisibility cloak, if only to make him feel again; but there was no one there.

They each had their own room, as the quarter had been altered; and both went into their private corner, both afraid but still too proud to talk about it. Draco undressed himself completely and stood in front of his mirror. It had spread, he knew it had. He had felt it growing during his torture but the other pain was far more important than that. He gasped when he saw himself. He knew it had spread, but like this... it was too much. He had only been away from Harry three days; and now that he saw it, he could also feel it. Madness. His hands started shaking, his breathing became heavy.

The mark had taken over his entire left leg, circling round his flesh like a light blue python round his prey. It had started to damage the skin on his left arm as well as marking his shoulder blades. In that particular spot the mark thickened and cut deeper into his skin. Draco felt like we was slowly becoming a freak, an animal. He was losing his common sense when away from Harry, he was losing everything. Now he felt nothing other than nothing. Except that maybe, he felt mad. He put his clothes slowly back on, thinking of it. He was going to die. His genes told him to irrationally chase after Harry, but his mind kept him on track and warned him that he would not make it; but he held on to that bit of life, out of fear of dying; so he would continue to keep him as close as possible.

With that thought in mind, he took a parchment and quill from his desk and wrote:

 _Potter,_

 _I am not surprised your ginger Weasel does not talk to you. After six years, I'd be tired of your company too. It's only been six weeks and I'm done with you as well._

 _Do stop going Gryffindor on me, it doesn't work on me. I'll never be the type to invite you over, you know?_

 _Can I ask you something? It is somewhat less amusing. Supposing, and really supposing, that I really am a Death-Eater, would you still come to me with your boredom things? I am trying to find ways to get rid of you, you understood._

 _Once this question answered, you do never mention it again or you will become the ferret, pothead. Go on talk of your life, you seem quite fond of it._

 _Cordially,_

 _Draco Malfoy._

 _Ps: Send your answer with my owl; he passes the Malfoy Wards a lot easier. His name is Arturo._

He sent it off, more anxious than he ever was before. He was scared, deep inside him he knew he was, scared that Harry's response was negative. He was especially scared that his genes would perceive this as rejection and that he would spontaneously die.

He waited for his mother to sleep and sneaked out to the Room of Requirements. He never felt Harry on the way. He sat in front of the mirror, his usual mirror; and he saw Harry sitting by his side. He saw him leaning closer and putting his head on his shoulder. The reflexions whispered and smiled to each other, Draco thought they held hands but it was out of the frame. He looked away, hoping the beating of his heart would calm down. He could not start wanting this for real. He glanced back at the reflexion and they were just there, sitting huddled up and talking as if the position was normal. It was not normal.

When he returned to his room, Arturo had already come back with the reply. Draco almost smiled at that. He gave him a sweet and opened the folded note.

 _Draco,_

 _Oh don't worry; I know you'll never invite me. You're the girl and I'm the guy, that's the way etiquette works._

 _Right, interesting and unexpected question. Scared, Malfoy? I don't really know okay. On the one hand I'd love to say that I can be friends with anyone, but I don't want to get close to someone if I have to fight that person in the end. I honestly don't know. You are a friend I guess, and I'd have a tough fighting you somewhere that is not on a chess board; but on the other hand, if you are a Death-Eater then either we'd stop our boredom things now or I'd have to convert you._

 _I suffer from a very bad memory, as you know, so I have forgotten all about it (Maybe my subconscious remembers, who knows). So my life... I'd read the Gazette if I were you, apparently they know my life better than me. Though I do have one scoop for you: I'm single. Well it wasn't going all that well for a while and yesterday she was yelling at me, as usual, so I just broke it off. It wasn't that interesting anymore._

 _Well that's about it._

 _I'm glad you talk to me, actually (It's hardly Gryffindor-y that)._

 _Harry._

Draco breathed in. He wasn't sure if he was happy or disappointed by the answer. He felt certain that if he explained the situation – the Death-Eater business, not the Veela thing – that Harry would accept him as a friend. Gee... Friends. The only friend he had was Blaise. He sighed; he already knew that he didn't want him as a friend. He'd take him, of course he would, but it wouldn't be enough. It probably never would be. He fell to sleep fairly easily with a heavy heart but a safe conscious.

Draco was all ready to leave for breakfast the next morning, but when he entered the living room in his quarters, breakfast was already on the table. He was reminded of their isolation. He sat down and waited for his mother to descend. She came dressed in her midnight blue gown and sat by his side.

"Draco, before we continue, there is an important matter we need to discuss" She said earnestly. Draco put his toast down and listened.

"I shan't be staying here" She added "Now be nice and let me finish. The Dark Lord can't track you through your mark, but he will likely assume that you are with me. Our best solution is that you stay here, and that I apparate somewhere else before apparating directly in Evelyn's house, it has a Fidelius Charm. That way we'll both be safe. I will talk to Dumbledore, asking him to put a ban on Lucius"

Draco remained silent. He knew this was the best option, in a sense, but he resented the separation. He wanted to live, but he also wanted his mother safe, and he felt that that had to be here. He is a realist though, and he knew that she couldn't stay. So he simply asked:

"When will you go?" She laid a hand on his shoulder – which she quickly removed when he hissed – and replied:

"As soon as possible. This afternoon"

His father had been banned, his mother had left and he was all alone; and all he had was Potter's letter and his text books – he now cursed himself for having already read those. He sat down at the window, wanting so to be outside in the snow. It got worse. He looked at the people out there, and saw a figure dressed warmly. He recognized the walk and immediately grabbed his wand to transfigure a cushion into some binoculars. It was him. Harry was huddled up in bundles of clothes, shivering and blowing on his hands. Draco's chest thumped upon seeing him. It all seemed different now. He had been away from him; he had taken the Cruciatus curse for him. It meant something now. He bit his lip and grabbed his wand. He whispered a warming charm in his direction saw his surprised reaction and quickly hid. He sat back down with the letter in front of him. He would answer but he didn't trust himself to not get soppy. He can accept begging the Dark Lord, sobbing in front of Merlin knows who, but he will not get soppy.

He went to the Room of Requirements instead. This time upon his arrival he directly laid a cover over the mirror. He did not want to see that. He went further to the back, looking in the storage for a half decent book or anything else. He pushed his way against piles of useless junk, letting it all fall to the floor – there is nothing important amongst it anyway.

"Who's there?" A voice called from the door and Draco stiffened. As if he needed help identifying that voice, every syllable travelled through his spine. He could pretend he wasn't there, could pretend so many things; but that stupid irrational side of him wanted so badly to stop hurting and to be with him; and this time that part was stronger. He answered with a sigh:

"Me" And came out from under his pile of stuff. Harry frowned upon seeing him.

"Draco. What the hell are you doing here?" He asked. Draco grabbed a book and replied:

"I came to look for some form of occupation"

"Yeah right. Malfoy Manor has no decent books so you came back here?"

"Yeah that's about it"

Harry crossed his arms and observed him closely; Draco would have blushed, had it been physically possible for him; he simply continued looking through stuff to avoid his eye.

"You're escaping, aren't you?" Harry finally said and Draco sighed. He put the book down.

"What? You're a psychic now?" He sat down in one of the chairs; Harry took the seat almost in front of him.

"No" He replied "But you don't need to be a genius to work it out"

"Explain yourself"

Harry arched an eye brow and said:

"I wasn't allowed to mention it, remember?" Draco turned his head away, inwardly cursing his weakness of the night. He felt stupid.

"Oh that" Was his only reply. Harry got up and walked closer to him; he stopped in front of him and waited for a moment. He kneeled by him and touched his arm. An electric choc was shot into Draco's arm and he pulled back in fright. They looked each other in the eyes for a moment; Draco was breathing loudly, the simple touch had shaken him to the core. Harry frowned, as if looking for something in his gaze. He then bent back down and took Draco's arm between his hands, unbuttoning the sleeve slowly and rolling it up to his shoulder. Draco wanted to look away, if only to stop the heat growing in his body, the insistent reminder that he was being touched and that it didn't hurt, it felt great. But then the mark was exposed, it was there dark and gleaming against his blemished features. Harry just looked at it, kneeling by his unknown mate. Draco stared at him from above, observing his features from close up. His heartbeat was so fast that he thought it might snap. Perhaps it did. Harry looked up and met his gaze; it was so intense for Draco that he forgot to breathe.

"Did you want it?" Harry whispered. Draco let out the air he was holding.

"No" He answered in a murmur. He didn't want to say it, but in that moment in time he was not present enough to say. A pulse of power ran through his body, following the lines the mark had carved in his skin, and Merlin he shivered.

"Does it hurt?" Harry asked. Draco shook his head:

"The connection failed, so I don't feel much of it" Harry nodded and gently brought Draco's sleeve back down, buttoning just one of the cufflinks. He held Draco's gaze once and said seriously:

"It's fine, okay? You didn't want it; you fled from him. I can help you now; protect you if you need it"

And boy did he need it. Part of Draco wanted so badly to accept, this was Harry bringing them closer and dammit he wanted in; but it wasn't right. Deep down inside of him, he knew this wasn't right.

"I don't need protection" He replied with little or no conviction in his voice. Harry sent him a small smile.

"No you don't" He added kindly "But I'm damn well going to do it anyway"

Draco got a side smile, hidden somewhere between his facade. He pouffed but answered fondly:

"Ever the hero Potter"

"Harry" The Gryffindor requested "Call me Harry"

Draco smirked and crossed his arms, looking down upon the man.

"First you ask for authorisation"

Harry chuckled and bowed on the floor.

"May I call you Draco, oh great Lord of Snobishness?" He asked with an exaggerated tone. Draco nodded and simply looked at him.

"May I call you by your given name then?"

Harry smiled at him.

"Yes" He answered "Yes you may"


	11. Merry Christmas

**A big thumbs up for siriusbarks this time! Thank you so much for your review and for your support! Yes Draco is that kind of person that hides his emotions (at least here he is). haha thank you, yeah I thought "your biological code is being rewritten" just sounded cool really^^ I will answer your questions for everyone else too!**

 **So Draco is a half/Quarter Veela. The Veela gene has been carried down through the Black line for generations. I am not sure if you know how genes works but anyway, you can have a certain gene that is then called "dormant", you have it and it can be a "dominant" gene as we say but it just isn't expressed in your genome. So the Veela gene has been carried down and Draco is basically missing that particularity that makes the gene dormant, and as it is a dominant gene it expressed itself strongly. Which is why I say half Veela, not that one of his parents is a pureblood Veela, but just because half of his genome, on his mum's side is seen as "pure blood Veela". Basically. Which also means that Bellatrix and Tonks carry the gene (Not that I will use that in the story).**

 **As for Harry noticing Draco's Veela-ness; well I don't want to say too much on the subject because I am working up to it very soon haha I don't really know how many chapters I'll have. It would have been 14 before, but I do think it will be more in the end. Anyway, the explanation is on it's way, just stay tuned ;)**

 **Any questions, don't hesitate to ask or to send me a PM!**

 **Chapter Eleven: Merry Christmas.**

Draco grabbed a cloth from the bathroom and soaked it a little with water. He turned round so that his back faced the mirror, he then pressed the fabric gently to his shoulder blade, where the mark had sunk so deep into his skin that blood trickled down his spine. He winced as the cold made the wounds sting. He rinsed the red of his fair skin and reached for a scarf. He tied it over his shoulder and around his chest to stop the bleeding from carrying on.

He could have used his wand, and he did try but it sent a surge of fire rushing through the cracks in his body. He collapsed on the floor in agony before deciding to do it manually. Ants were coursing in his veins, crawling under his skin. He could feel it itching at all times, he wanted to scratch and he did but it just didn't go away. His hands twitched to touch Harry but he kept them in his pocket. It was getting worse.

He spent a lot of his time with Harry to be fair; he actually quite liked the company; but it just wasn't enough anymore. He needed to touch him. His heart raced every time he heard his laugh, every time he came closer; but they never touched. They didn't even shake each other's hand to say hello; Draco tried once and he got ignored. Christmas was coming, and it brought with it the sixth month of his predilection. He was going mad; and so were the marks on his body.

He wondered what he would do for Christmas. He'd never spent Christmas away from his parents before. Not that he minded much, it was never nice anyway. So he sat with Harry in the library, snow falling heavily outside.

"Oi, Hair-head" He called. Harry looked up and sent him a funny look.

"Hair-head? That's new" He asked. Draco simply shrugged.

"I used to call you Pot-head from Potter. Now that it's Harry it's become Hair-head" Harry pouffed at that and replied:

"It's almost ridiculous how logical you make it sound" He sent him a smile. Draco noticed that he did that a lot lately, oddly enough; whilst he himself usually smirked, or something that looked like it. He had always known that a smile looked weird on him anyway; it didn't fit with his clothes. Harry looked at him:

"So yeah? You wanted to ask something?" He asked. Draco pretended to look at his book and replied calmly:

"What are you doing for Christmas?"

Harry put his book down and lay down in the floor on the blanket that Draco had transfigured. He knotted his fingers behind his head and looked up to ceiling.

"I'm leaving" He replied "I've been invited to spend it with the Weasley's and Hermione up at the Burrow. Talked to Dumbledore and I can use the floo network just that once, take the train back before New Year's"

Draco nodded soberly and inside he was falling. He was biting the insides of his cheeks to keep the outcry from leaving his lips. He could feel the mark spreading beneath the scarf; he could feel the blood starting to fall down his skin.

"How 'bout you?" Harry added, turning round on his stomach to face Draco. The latter shrugged as if it was all fine, as if answering or even breathing didn't hurt.

"Probably get Mum to come over here or something. Maybe find dear Daddy, Christmas was always fun with him. That was sarcasm, in case it didn't get into your thick head" He added thoughtfully. Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Was that sarcasm?" He asked "I'd have thought that Lucius was great! I bet he wakes you up with breakfast, gives you a hug and hands over your endless list of presents"

Draco rolled his eyes and closed his book, laying it down on the bench next to him.

"He was more the type to wake me with a whack, give me shove up my arse and hand me my endless list of 'failures of the year'" He looked over at Harry and saw that weird look in his eyes, so he quickly added with a sigh "It's just a joke, dumb-arse"

"Didn't sound like one" Harry replied. Draco simply ignored him for the better cause, that plus his genes seemed not to appreciate that he was lying to his mate. In fact, his heart was starting to disagree with it too. More often than not, he'd find himself desperately wanting to tell him the truth, but social standards kept him out of harm's way. They didn't mention Christmas again.

""""""""""""""

Until the 23rd arrived that is. Harry knocked on Draco's door, invited himself in and sat down. He remained quite sober, just waiting for Draco to come and claim his royal seat.

"I'm leaving" He announced seriously. Draco sipped his tea.

"On an adventure?" He replied on the same tone. Harry relaxed his shoulder and smiled.

"Yeah sort of. I've got everything packed and I'm off in about half an hour or so"

Draco nodded and closed his eyes and he blew on his tea. Behind his eye lids he could feel small droplets form at the realisation that he would be spending an entire week away from Harry. He opened them once he was sure that he had eliminated the traces of sadness, and that he himself was safely tucked away behind his poker-face.

"It is considerate of you to drop by before leaving" Draco said politely. Harry nodded and started acting uncomfortable for a moment. He took a wrapped up in toilet paper object from his bag and handed it over quickly without looking at Draco.

"That's for you" He said quickly. Draco raised an eyebrow but that stupid stupid butterfly was doing it's summersaults in his abdomen again.

"Am I to open this now?" He asked. Harry shook his head.

"It's for Christmas"

Draco looked around his room for a moment, looking for something he could give. He felt it in his veins that his body desperately wanted to give the double of what he received; but he had nothing. So he simply raised his head high up and replied:

"Why thank you very much. I have no present for you; because you were quite right. I am the woman and you are the boy, and that it just the way etiquette works" Harry laughed at that and got up.

"That's okay, princess" He stretched his back and held out a hand "Well..." He started "I best be off now"

Draco looked at the hand for a split second before reaching for it. The moment their hands touched they connected. Their power was linked, and for an instant Draco could feel what Harry felt, the uncertainty, his rapid heartbeat and even his anxiety. He looked up with a heavy breath towards him and he could see it. He could see it in his eyes that Harry felt it too. They stared into each other's souls, recognized in it a part of their own that was missing.

The contact was broken and Draco almost fell over from the weakness he then felt. Harry had an uneasy smile and said:

"Well Merry Christmas Draco" He then fled from the room, faster than Draco could reply; but were it even to the wind, he did answer:

"Merry Christmas Harry"

The moment the door closed between them Draco fell back onto his chair. The more steps Harry took further from him, the more pressure welled up inside him. He sighed and got up. The moment he stood up, a wave of nausea hit him and he keeled over, falling onto his hands and knees; the room was turning around him. He stayed in that position for a while, his gaze was directed to the ground but he didn't look at it. He hardly even thought of anything, he just felt. He felt his breathing burning his throat; he felt his back pushing his body down; he felt like his eyes were closed but he knew they were open, he felt like he was trying to open them, but they already were. His head started throbbing and with each bang, a thought appeared in his head. Soon he felt overwhelmed; thoughts were jumping over the walls of his brains, they were breaking the shells he had created for himself. His own voice was resonating in different phrases throughout his head, but it felt like they were haunting him. They were turning over in his head; he felt dizzy. He put a hand on his mouth to stop himself from puking on the carpet. He didn't.

He managed to get up on weak legs and walked slowly to the bathroom to examine the damage. He didn't even need to take the scarf off to realise that he had been bleeding. As he had felt, the blood had trickled down his back, seeping through the fabric. He took the scarf away, scorgified it and tucked it away. He quickly put his wand down before he would make the mistake of using it on himself again. He didn't know what the mark was doing, why it was so much deeper on his shoulder blades, what it was becoming. He grabbed a cloth and rubbed it over the wounds.

As he was cleaning a sting reached his lower body and he groaned. It got stronger and stronger, spreading over other parts of his body. With a pang it got too much and he fell to the floor with a scream. His back arched towards the ceiling as his hands dug into his thighs. He bit his lip as tears fell onto his cheeks.

' _Make it go, make it go'_ He whispered to himself. He stopped for a moment, catching his breath as his body continued twitching in pain. He could feel them now, the hands that were touching him. Invisible fingers were caressing him and he pushed to the side to make them go away, only to hit the bath tub with the back of his hand. They were not touching him, they were touching Harry. He screamed on the top of his lungs. It was too much.

""""""""""""

Draco never left his room the next day. He stayed on his sofa, just in case he would have another fit. He kept scratching the back of his hand to keep from touching his back where the mark had spread onto his other side. It had also gone further down upon his arm, reaching the centre of his biceps. He mostly just sat there, writing letter after letter; Christmas letters mostly. He might be disowned, at least he supposed he was, he was still Draco Abraxas something; and Draco Abraxas something sends Christmas cards. It was a matter of pride and habit. He wanted people to still consider him as he was. He threw another card on his 'done' pile and scrapped another name from his 'to do' list. At the bottom of the list was written: Harry Potter. He remembered the gift and quickly accio-ed it. He should keep it till the morning, but he decided to open it anyway. He had to know what it was to be able to prepare a return gift of the same value; his father had always taught him that. So he opened it.

It was a rather small package, badly wrapped, and to it a card was attached. Draco read that first:

 _Merry Christmas Draco!_

 _If you've opened the gift first, then I'll already apologize. I'm shit at finding gifts okay? And we haven't been hanging round each other long enough for me to really now you that well._

 _So I know you have my scarf, you stupid sod, you thought I wouldn't know? Okay fair enough I didn't till I saw it lying about your room last week. Guessing here that you're cold, or lacking a decent scarf, so I bought you one. Now before you complain, it is real cashmere. I didn't really get the thing round it but I've worn it a couple times (just a test round) and it is quite cool; I think you'll find it acceptable._

 _Merry Christmas again,_

 _Hope you're not all alone._

 _Harry._

 _Ps: The colour suits your eyes._

Draco smiled, and felt a little embarrassed at having been caught with the scarf; but he was quite pleased. He opened the wrapping and the light blue fabric felt soft between his fingers. He took it in his hands and breathed in the air surrounding it. It smelt like Harry and a flutter invaded his stomach before he let out a smile. He stayed in that position for a little while, feeling just that much closer to his mate. He put it round his neck and got up, rummaging through his stuff to find something acceptable. He opened his 'box of wonders' as he called it when he was a kid. He found a small necklace representing the crest of the Wizarding World. It belonged to his great grand-father, but if he was honest, he had always found it ugly. He shrugged, supposing Harry would like it. He sat back down and unrolled a new parchment, replying:

 _Merry Christmas Hair-head,_

 _Let's get one thing straight: I only got you a gift because you got me one; never let it be said that I am anything less than polite._

 _I found this in an old storage box and deemed it good enough; at least it would add a piece of glamour to your usual style. If one could call it style. I take it you do not know what it is, so I will explain._

 _It is the crest of the Wizarding World, designed by Phidelius Porter in the late 1500s. The Wizarding World already existed of course, but it was only just before Porter's time that they started to be "removed" from Muggle company and go into secrecy. They became a separate community spread in different groups over the world. There are other Crest, from different point of views. The French group has a different one, the American one too, and all the others; but this one is ours._

 _I thought you might appreciate it,_

 _Have a nice time with the Weasley sprogs._

 _Draco A. L. Malfoy_

He nodded to himself and sealed it off. It would do. He looked at the necklace a moment longer and he didn't know what possessed him, but he moved closer to it and pressed his lips gently to the metal. For a moment he felt a connection, small as it was, almost as if was Harry was back again.

"""""""""

He didn't celebrate Christmas; didn't even go down to eat with the rest. He had no presents this year; his mother was probably still in hiding. He simply kept the scarf by his side and had a light breakfast. He felt too weak for this, he just felt down. Somewhere in rural England was his mate being hugged by red heads, he could feel them touching him, and he was here alone. He pressed so hard onto his tea cup that it broke between his fingers. He cursed and picked at the glass in his skin, he was hardly bleeding. He received a note that morning from Professor Dumbledore saying that could "you please join me for tea? I have something to give you". He wasn't sure if he should but he supposed it would be alright.

He almost crawled into the old cow's office but he managed to get there. He knocked on the door but no one answered. For some reason he imagined his headmaster taking an herbal bath of some sorts so he just went it. What he found was not his head master though.

In the centre of the room stood Lucius Malfoy, who had apparently not been banned from the school, contrary to popular belief. Draco panicked inside but stayed calm. He crossed his arms bravely and said:

"Father" Lucius took a step forward.

"Draco" He replied "How nice of you to join me"

Draco stayed where he was.

"What do you want?" He asked. Faster than a speeding bullet Lucius was in front of him, hand on his neck and wand in his stomach; Draco groaned from the burning.

"You disgrace me" Lucius started furiously "All these years I brought you up as my own and all this time you were just an animal. A failure. You disgust me; and Potter's soul-mate! How low could you sink?! The Dark Lord may find some use of you, but I do not. You are disowned; you are no longer my son or heir to the Malfoy realm" He pressed harder, almost knocking Draco out "You will, however, complete the Dark Lord's task: repair the Vanishing cabinet before term is over. Fail, and he will come for you"

He let him go and Draco fell to his knees; the wand was still directed at him. Lucius looked down at him.

"Like me" He added and yelled "Crucio!"

Draco doubled over with a scream. Veins shot out over his neck and arms, blood rushing through him. The mark burned up and his vision got blank. In his eyes the veins got so strong that they appeared red. The knives were cutting at his skin, opening his up, bit by bit. He screamed so loudly that his jaw almost snapped. The windows in Dumbledore's office started trembling more and more, until they shattered to pieces. Glass fell around him and they both screamed. Draco saw nothing anymore. His head hit the floor.

And he didn't get up.

 **I've got a new job so maybe the updates will be less fast. I was on a two/three days roll, and I think that might go to four/five days, then again maybe not haha Stay tuned!**


	12. Between what you do, and what you Want

**go2sleep Thank you again for you review! I have indeed always been a bit of a 'drama bunny', I want the feels when I read, and I want them there when I write. Which is why I put so many in there. I hope you like to read that as much I love to write it, because more feelings will come. And as a warning, I will say that next chapter might be my most angsty yet (might be). Cheers! xxx**

 **Chapter Twelve: Between what you do, and what you Want.**

"How is my father?" Draco asked upon his wake. Madame Pomfrey bustled round him, looking in closets and mixing things up. She hastily replied:

"Minor cuts. He has been taken by the ministry, they will decide of what he is to become" Draco simply nodded and finally sat up. He immediately winced. His muscles ached all over his body; every time he moved he felt like it was stabbing him again. _Bloody fucker_ , he added in his mind. Madame Pomfrey started to give him glass after glass; he just drank them obediently. They were disgusting, as it happens. She started ranting to him:

"You really must be more careful Draco! In your state none of this is allowed to happen. And do not think that I have failed to notice your mark; you still have not approached your mate. It is quite amazing that you are still functional at this advanced stage!"

Draco just let it all wash in; he didn't care much at this advanced stage either. He turned his head away. At this advanced stage he just wanted it to be over; he just wanted to die. He wiggled his uncomfortable back and felt that the mark had grown again and not just a bit. Wearing the horrible hospital robs, he saw that it had grown to just the top of the skull from the Death-Mark. He mentally thanked Madame Pomfrey for not mentioning that. He looked over to her.

"May I leave?" He asked. She sent him a look that clearly stated her response.

"No, you mayn't" She indeed replied "Have you completely lost your mind? Have you even looked at yourself without that glamour?! You will be here for at least three days I'd say"

Draco sighed and laid back. Like he would be able to have his fits peacefully in here. Actually, he did know what he looked like, and it scared him almost as much as it did anyone else. He saw himself clearly about a week ago and had since decided to glamour himself before going into the bathroom. He couldn't bear to look at his downfall. Sometimes when he saw himself with the glamour, he could forget that this was all happening. Then of course he would feel a sting or see his skin and it would all come back.

"May I have a private ward at least?" He demanded in Malfoy superior fashion. Madame Pomfrey whisked her wand over him and his bed lifted. Draco rolled his eyes, expecting nothing else. He crossed his arms as he was floating to a little room at the end of the hallway from the main hospital wing. It was a very plain room, Draco was fairly disappointed by the simple decoration, i.e. no decoration. The room was plain white; open spaces. There was but a cupboard on the far end of the room. Draco's bed was put down in the centre with plenty of room to manoeuvre on both sides; Madame Pomfrey even brought him a small bed side table and a chair. She left him and he was all alone.

He stopped to think about it and suddenly burst out laughing. The whole situation was ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. He, pureblood and coming from a very proud and noble family line, just happens to be a Veela and Harry sodding Potter's soul mate, on a whim. He just laughed the pain away, laughed the strain and the realness of it all away; but it didn't go. He was still hurting, he still felt heavy; and by it all he realised that it was still real. He pushed the blanket away and stepped out of bed. The floor felt cold underneath his bare feet and he walked with heavy legs. He turned round the room and the simple motion made him feel like spinning. He was looking for something, what he didn't know; he settled for a mirror but found none; so he transfigured the chair in a whole mirror.

He almost cried. He was skinny, and not just skinny, dangerously so in fact. He gulped and took the robe off. He bit his lip upon sight of himself. He could count his bones instead of sheep to fall sleep. His skin, which had become luminous upon his inheritance, was bleak and had numerous traces of bruises all over his body. His blue Veela eyes were dull and gray. He hardly recognized himself. He turned round to look at his back, where the mark was finally forming something. It had the outskirts of something resembling a wing, and it was starting to form a second one. He looked down at his arm, and the mark touched his dark curse. It was growing by the minute. He started scratching again without thinking. His heartbeat went quicker once more, as it dawned on him that he was literally playing with his life.

 _Oh well_ , he thought, it's _just another nail on my coffin_. He flicked his wand and the mirror vanished, there was the chair in the corner by the bed. He grabbed his own trousers that he had not seen lying before and put those on. _Anything to get out of those horrible robs_. He looked round and also noticed with a sigh that his trousers were the only part of his usual combination that was actually in the room. With a hopeful gleam he whispered:

"Accio shirt" But nothing flew towards him. He sighed and went to the window to look out. It wasn't much of a window actually; it was more like a gap in the wall that was too high for one to look comfortably out of; but as he looked up to that bit of sky that he could see, he actually felt a little better. He could breathe in without hurting, or without it taking too much effort. He closed his eyes and sort of fell forward.

Suddenly he heard a sharp intake of breath and he turned round quickly. He felt dizzy from the rapidity and almost fell over; but hands reached out for him and steadied him. They didn't hurt him so he knew, and wanted to fake faint. He kept his eyes closed as Harry led him to bed and put him down. When he did look up Harry was holding a hand in front of his mouth and staring at him without really looking. He seemed furious.

"What the hell is this?!" He practically yelled "I knew you used to glamour yourself, but **this**! What the fuck is it with you?!"

"What is it with **me**?" Draco repeated incredulously "I get disowned from my family, my father crucios me, I'm in hospital weekly but it's my fault?!"

He got up and breathed in and out a couple of times. He was dying because of this.

"Yes it is!" Harry returned evenly "You did this didn't you? You fucking invite this and for what? What do you think you would gain? Money, power, daddy's love?"

Draco turned round and pushed him against the wall, pinning him down roughly with his arms.

"Don't you dare Potter! You don't have a fucking clue and it's not your fucking business! You have no idea what it's like; at least your parents did love you!" He didn't know why he said that, but suddenly any reason that wasn't the real one seemed good enough "At least you have half decent friends that invite you for Christmas. You don't get fucking tortured as gift from your family! Don't you dare put me down; you have no idea what it's like"

Harry looked at him, his gaze had changed. Draco thought he saw his eyes getting watery.

"You're right" Harry whispered guiltily. He put his hands over Draco arms and the latter couldn't resist his gentle touch. Soon his own arms were back by his side and Harry's were around his back. He stayed stunned for a moment before seizing the opportunity and returning the embrace. He buried his face in Harry's neck, where he found that famous smell that had him going spare a few weeks back.

"I'm sorry" Harry murmured close to him "I didn't mean anything. I just got worried seeing you like this"

"Don't get sentimental on me Potter" Draco simply replied. They stayed like that for a moment before sitting down on the bed, still not looking at each other. Harry fiddled with his fingers as Draco tried his best to pretend to be cold – it gave him a reason to cover his body under the covers.

"So are you depressed?" Harry finally asked. Draco wanted to say yes, it would fit, but his mind refused to lie too much.

"No" He replied "All this, it's all medical. I have something of a disease and it looks like this. For now it's at a very sensible stage and I get mood swings. Fact is of course that Lucius' attitude towards me does not help my condition"

Harry nodded as if he understood. Actually Draco hardly lied; he just didn't explain the full sp. Then he frowned and turned his head towards him.

"But what are you doing here? I thought you were staying with the Weasel's till the 30th" He asked. Harry got a sheepish, almost shy smile and replied.

"Well if you really want to know... I followed you, sort of" He explained "You see I've got this map which shows where everyone is inside of Hogwarts. I saw it when you met your father; I saw it when Madame Pomfrey, Professor McGonagall and Hagrid brought you here. So I figured it out. I sent a special request to Professor Dumbledore and he allowed me to come back"

Draco looked at him as something welled up inside of him. Harry cared enough for him to actually follow him from a distance. It was almost endearing. He saw the jewel shinning from his neck and added:

"Nice necklace, by the way" Harry looked at it with a smile.

"Yes it is, isn't it?" He replied "A friend of mine gave it to me for Christmas"

They both smiled; until Madame Pomfrey returned and demanded Harry be away because 'the patient needs his rest'.

"""""""""

"Hey Dray?" Harry called the next evening, when they were still in Draco's private quarters. They were studying and the Slytherin didn't look up from his textbook.

"Hmm?" He replied. Harry sat back on his chair and crossed his arm.

"This disease of yours"

"What about it?"

"I can't find it"

Draco looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" He asked. Harry pointed at his books with a sigh and explained:

"I've spent the day looking in all those bloody books and I can't find anything that comes remotely close to what you have" Draco frowned and grabbed the book in front of Harry. _Magical Ailments_ , _Hanson's book of common Diseases_ , _Mystical Mishaps_ , the titles read. Draco felt flattered that Harry would do all this research for him, even if it was futile. He looked back at him:

"And you are doing this, instead of doing your assignment?" He said slyly. Harry didn't even look ashamed or embarrassed, he just shrugged.

"It's a lot more interesting. Anyway as I was saying: I can't find it, what's it called?"

Draco turned to him with a thoughtful gaze. He wanted to spill all; tell him everything; but in a sense he knew that he couldn't. He pretended to think hard on it and then raised his shoulders.

"Can't remember. It's a long complicated thing, you know how medical terms are" He said. Harry looked at him in a curious way and took the books back.

"It's funny but I don't believe you"

Draco ignored this and continued studying. He felt a sting in his back and laid back down on the bed in the hope that it would calm it down. It didn't. He took a discreet breath and looked at Harry.

"You know, it's all sort of draining me so I think you'd better go" He said. Harry observed him and saw in his eyes that it was true, so he nodded and gathered his books.

"Same time tomorrow then?"

"You can come sooner if you're up. It's terribly boring in here" Draco added. Harry smiled and waved his hand before leaving. As soon as the door closed Draco closed his heavy eyes. He reached behind to his back and felt the liquid dripping on his fingers. He started scratching again. Everything itched under his skin, he could try all he liked but he just couldn't reach it. He grabbed a calming draught from by his bedside and drank it all in one go. It sank into his throat in a soothing way and it calmed the dread in his stomach.

Madame Pomfrey came by him and silently deposited a new batch of potions, stating also that if he could please put an end to both their suffering, she would really appreciate it; i.e. sum up courage to get his mate; Draco understood in the same you did – probably. He didn't attempt anything, he was still too scared.

""""""""

"You know you never told me how come the one Weasel is talking to you again while you banished the other" Draco asked during lunch the next morning. Harry gulped down his food and replied:

"It's not an overly interesting tail really. Hermione made Ron see sense, Ginny was damned annoying, end of story" Draco took a civilised bite of his apple, which was basically the only thing he managed to swallow nowadays.

"Yeah, but is _damned annoying_ a good enough reason to break up when you love someone, or whatever it is you Gryffindors do?" He added with a discreet afterthought for himself; because he is damned annoying himself. Harry shrugged.

"Don't think I ever loved her. I don't do too well with that. I suppose she was... she was just convenient I guess. She was there and willing; and not too bad to look at"

"Sounds like a romance to me"

Harry chuckled at that and leaned back with a dreamy smile.

"Nah. I guess I am somewhat a romantic at heart, and I think I've still got a good story to come, with someone else. I'd like to believe that" He said. Draco nearly grabbed his collar to shout at him that his best story was right here; but they were not a dream – yet – they were a nightmare, romantically speaking. Where some part of Draco decided to remain calm, another side of him – his biological side probably – was going spare and did grab Harry; just not by the neck. He had grabbed Harry's wrist firmly in both hands, staring right into his eyes.

"D-Draco?" Harry called anxiously, but Draco did not listen. He simply looked whilst his fingers softened their hold on his wrist. Harry looked straight at him, a glint appeared in his gaze and he lowered his hand so that it rested against Draco's; the back of his against Draco's palm. The Slytherin looked down at their hold and held his breath. Harry moved closer to him and Draco felt drawn to him like a magnet. His heart beat so fast that he thought it might burst. He could feel the heat emitted from Harry's body; could feel the goose bumps on his arm. They moved closer to each other, up to where Draco could feel his warm breath on his face.

The door opened and they jumped apart. Draco finally let out his breath and forced his hand to go back to his own side. Harry grabbed a book and moved away from the bed. Madame Pomfrey looked between them but remained silent. She walked over to the cupboard at the other end of the room.

"I am afraid Mister Potter that I must ask you to leave. I have to conduct my daily examination and for that you must leave. I believe that Mister Longbottom was looking for you" She explained. Harry nodded quickly and took his stuff. He never looked at Draco when he said:

7 "I'll see you later" He left without another glance even though Draco was searching for his eyes. Sadness and a dreadful feeling of emptiness reached for him and he hung his head down, hardly caring that someone else was there to see him. Madame Pomfrey returned to his bedside and handed him a potion.

"It's him, isn't it?" She asked quietly. Draco grabbed the potion, furious at her for having interrupted them at such a crucial stage.

"None of your business, woman" He replied angrily. She started waving her wand silently over his body in circular motions. Parts of him went blue under the light and he knew this was bad news. She gave him another potion, explaining that this was to stop the failing of his organs.

"Your body physically needs him; you are already getting weaker and very soon you will be incapable of accomplishing your basic needs. From the examination is it clear that your kidneys will probably be the first to go, your liver is not is shape either. All this in continuity with increasing weakness" She explained. Draco simply nodded in acceptance. He knew this was all going to happen "You must tell him"

At that something sparked inside Draco and he lifted his head.

"I seem to recall telling you that it is none of your business" He snapped "Oh everyone has an opinion and must be heard to say it. You are all there with your good advice and good ideas, well don't. I do not need your help; and furthermore, I do not want it. Is that understood?"

Madame Pomfrey laid her potions and lunch down; she faced him fairly and squarely.

"Now you listen to me, Mister Malfoy" She said evenly "You are here because you are too stupid to do what is right for you. Your father may have taught you all but none of it helps in this situation. You are a Veela, and like it or not, you have a soul mate. I am your doctor, and in that capacity I must heal you; but I cannot do my job with someone who is set on quite literally killing himself. I cannot send you away, but I can force feed you potions to keep you alive; you will die if you keep this selfish and stubborn attitude. Now, I have to inform you that the way you are acting is endangering your health, and as your nurse I must stop you. So, now that that is clear you will shut up and drink your medicines. Is that understood?"

Draco could not fight against her words; they were too true to even try. He resigned himself to that, to the veracity of the situation, and of his stupid decisions. He had received a letter from Blaise before Christmas telling him to get a fucking move on and grab Harry, he never replied. He took the damned potions, even tried to get something to eat inside him. He noticed idly that Harry had forgotten his cloak on the chair and wanted to pick it up. He knew that now though even that wouldn't help. He had been too close to what he wanted to be satisfied by little less.

""""""""

Harry returned awkwardly at his bedside come evening. They did not look at each other, and safe for the simple hi, they didn't even speak to each other. Finally Harry took a deep breath and said bravely:

"Look Draco, there is something I have to tell you" Draco gulped down his fear of what could be and looked at him. He couldn't decipher what that look was, but it didn't sooth him. He motioned for Harry to continue.

"I came back for my cloak earlier; and I heard you and Madame Pomfrey talk" He added hastily. Draco's heart stopped at that. He had heard them, just at that moment. Draco paled – were if humanly possible – and stopped breathing for a moment. Harry went on explaining as he looked at his hands.

"I wasn't really sure at first but I went to the library this afternoon and... it all fits. The way you looked when you came back to school, the pain you felt when someone touched you, the weird attitudes you've been having, the way your body is failing and everything. The mark, it was all there" He finally looked up and met up to Draco's eyes "Why didn't you tell me?"

Draco was at a loss for words. This... this just couldn't. Harry was not supposed to find out like this, he wasn't supposed to find out at all. The Slytherin breathed and replied:

"It's a hard thing to admit"

"Hard to admit?" Harry repeated "How could you be so stupid?! You are dying, have been for months; and do try to deny it, I know it now. All this time I thought you felt drawn to me, as I felt drawn to you. All this time I thought it was just great, finally something good! And... all this time it was just some magical thing that forces us together! You did not want me, and I did not want you"

"No!" Draco was quick to reply and looked him the eye "If you'd have really looked it up then you'd know that that's not true, you idiot. We are soul mates, like it or not. We felt drawn to each other because we are meant to be. I did not choose to want you, granted, but my genes or whatever chose you and I'm fine with that. My inheritance did not force me to want you, and it especially did not make you want me! If you do not want me then you could be with someone else, I can't. Nothing is forcing you to stay. Don't make this out as if you're the victim"

Harry looked down at him from where he had stood up before. His eyes softened a little and he added:

"We're both victims in this Draco. If I wasn't forced to be with you, then that means I wanted to; but I don't think I want this" He pointed between the two of them "Something was pushing me every time I was near you and I don't think it was my own choice. I don't think I want this to happen; but I can't let you die"

Draco sighed and kept the tears behind his eyes.

"If you don't it then don't take it. I wouldn't be satisfied by anything other than the best, and you forcing yourself is not the best; so just go. Not all Veelas die. Look at this, I've just been rejecting and it doesn't even hurt. If you don't want this, then I can't carry it on either. I can't keep hoping its killing me. So just go" He lied; it hurt so bad, he could feel it welling up inside of him and all he wanted was for Harry to just leave so he could cave in by himself. Harry laid a hesitant hand on his arm.

"Just wait okay? I just don't know yet, I need time to think it through"

Draco picked up his hand and with the last energy that he could muster he put it away.

"Wait with what?" He asked "Dying? Oh I won't die; it's not on my bucket list. If you mean wait for you, then I don't have much of a choice. A human may have several soul mates, a Veela does not. I cannot be or look for someone else, so I can't do anything else but wait"

Harry took his cloak and turned his back. Draco could guess from the slight quivering of his back what he was doing; his insides turned. The Gryffindor added silently:

"Just give me some time" And he walked away. Draco couldn't bear to watch so he turned his head. As soon as the doors closed his tears fell freely from his eyes. These were not his genes forcing him to be weak; he got to realise that those genes were the hidden part of himself, and these tears were his own. He sobbed in his cushion, starting to accept that he would die; because even if it wasn't on his bucket list, he supposed that that would be the end of the road, and that he would soon no longer be able to walk.


	13. Saint Mungo's

I would like to thank my best follower: go2sleep once more for her love and support! Everytime I publish something, I receive "You have a review from go to sleep. And it just makes my day so thank you for that! xxx

 **Chapter Thirteen: Saint Mungo's.**

 _Dear Draco,_

 _The more I think about it, the more I suppose that you are right. I did some more research, like you told me to. I wasn't forced into anything; apparently we are just meant to be, or something like that; and I guess, that that might be okay; but I must ask you some questions firsts._

 _I know I'm not forced, but are you? Are you like "programmed" to like me? What do you even want or expect from me?_

 _I'd love to see you, I really would, but I think that I might be influenced by that. It feels different when you're near. We can still talk, I'd like that._

 _I guess, I miss you, a bit._

 _I just need more time, it's all a lot to take in._

 _Harry._

It did nothing to appease Draco, even though he knew that it should. He heard that Harry's mind was changing, that he missed him; but he also heard that he wouldn't be seeing him anytime soon. He put his arms down and breathed in. It had been two days and three nights, and even though he had very little to no pain fits, he was completely done. His energy had been drained from him, his will had disappeared. He could hardly lift his arms without feeling tired. He turned his head on his pillow and looked at his empty chair with half lidded eyes. He did not have the power to write a reply, not before receiving his potions; so he just waited. He closed his eyes and fell asleep quietly, huddled up underneath two blankets.

His dreams lay forgotten on his bed, seeping through the convoys of the air. But when Madame Pomfrey came in to wake him he did notice that tears were dried out on the corner of his eyes; he learned then that you can cry in your sleep. He took the energy potion but refused the food when she offered it to him. He had a bucket by his side, where he'd been sick every time he tried to eat. When he sat up straight he had a stab on his flank and he put a hand on the spot. Madame Pomfrey observed him and said:

"That's your kidneys" She sat down on the chair next to Draco "I must ask you this: How many times have you urinated in the last two days?"

Draco looked at her in his best 'you have to be kidding me' impersonation. He finally gave in, accepting the necessity.

"Three, four times maybe" He replied with a sigh.

"Was there blood?"

"Maybe a bit"

The nurse sighed and got up. She accio-ed some bottles from the next door room and looked through them, flicking her wand over some.

"I can give a potion for it but you must understand that your kidneys will continue to deteriorate. You will experience pains and fatigue, as well as a swelling in your legs" She explained.

"Sounds wonderful" He answered sarcastically. Madame Pomfrey went on to give him a general check up; she tested him everywhere. By the look in her eyes Draco knew that it was not good news. She sat back down next to him and folded her hands on the bed.

"I'm afraid there is more" She started "From the colour of your eyes and the change of your skin, I can deduce that your liver is also failing. You will start getting sick more and more. The most dangerous part is that our heart is much too fast, it is making you have cramps; it is also pumping too much blood in your veins and they could burst at any moment. This means that it is going beyond me. If you get internal bleeding I cannot save you"

Draco simply nodded. It would have been romantic to say that he died of heartbreak, but this isn't. The books don't mention this. They talk of perfect, compatible and strong love; they don't talk of dying alive.

"So... that means that if something goes wrong, that'll be end?" He asked calmly. Madame Pomfrey got up and replied:

"No. It means that, for your own safety, I must transfer you to Saint Mungo's"

""""""""

 _Dear Harry,_

 _No, I am not forced, not exactly. Even if I weren't a Veela, we'd still be the best we could get. My inheritance just makes sure that it actually happens. A soul mate is chosen over the years preceding the inheritance; so in a sense, I chose you. I may have not liked you before, but the bond did not force me to do that; it simply forced me to be close enough so that I could actually get to know you._

 _I don't actually expect anything from you. You're thinking about it, which is already a lot more than I thought you would. I don't know what I want to either. I want to give it a shot, I guess; because this is supposed to be the best thing we could ever experience. Doesn't seem like it now huh?_

 _Actually, I think I do know what I want. I want you to want me, and stop feeling like you have to; that you are with me without feeling guilt-tripped into 'saving me'. I want you to choose this, for us. Live free or let me die._

 _Oh by the way, I must inform you of a change of address. For medical reasons, I am moved to Saint Mungo's. The staff has been informed, so my classes will be sent to me. I leave after dinner tonight._

 _Draco._

He managed to write with a lot of effort that afternoon. He felt tired, but a weight had been lifted from his shoulders; he did know what he want now; and he felt sure that if he ever managed to return to the mirror, that that would show. He breathed in and gave the letter to his nurse for her to send off. He was going away; it almost felt surreal to him.

Come evening, his things had been packed – not that he would need much – and he waited in his bed. Dumbledore had come to see him and explained to him that apparition was too dangerous in his condition and that because of that the medical staff from Saint Mungo's would come to get him themselves. He had ingested a batch of potions to be strong enough to get up and walk to the outskirts of Hogwarts.

A carriage waited for him over the hills by Hagrid's cottage; three people stood by it, dressed in a plain white uniform. He sighed and leaned on his crutch to move forward. Step by step he reached the first man who said:

"Good-evening, Mister Malfoy. I am Julian Longbreach and this is my staff. We will be looking after you" This, to Draco, sounded ominous and he wanted to answer that they'd better not hijack him and take him to their bondage closet. As soon as he opened his mouth to say just that, a voice called behind:

"Malfoy!" He turned round and saw Granger running towards him, her hair bouncing wildly with every step.

"Granger" He drawled "How kind of you to see me off"

She reached but stayed at safe distance. She observed him without his glamour a moment before saying:

"You can't leave"

"Pray tell, why not?"

"Harry needs you to be here"

Draco's heart skipped a little at hearing his name and the proclamation said out loud.

"I know everything" She continued "And he is thinking of it. He will want you, he's just too thick to realise that now"

"That I know"

"What I mean is, that when his mind does change for the better, you have to be there to show him that that is what you want" She added. Draco rolled his eyes and changed his crutch from hand.

"He already knows that I do. Furthermore, if I stay, I will most likely die. I'd love to be here but I'd also love to actually be alive when our _happy ending_ comes. So goodbye Granger" He turned round, ready to get into the carriage.

"Do you have the time to wait?" She asked intelligently, and Draco admired that in her. He looked behind his shoulder and shrugged.

"No, I guess not" He said and sat down. The carriage took off and at the same moment a tear fell on Draco's cheek; something broke down in him.

""""""""

Something really did break in him. He fell asleep on the coach so no one realised; but one of his veins did snap. When they arrived at Saint Mungo's, incapable of waking him, they noticed that he was sweating and that underneath his lids, his eyes had gone red. Internal bleeding had begun. He was taken as quick as possible to the nearest operating theatre, where a whole team of healers surrounded him. They stopped when he was undressed to observe the mark. Red liquid flew through the cracks; they could actually see it moving over his entire left side; from his knee, over his hip, tracing his ribs, going down his shoulder to his wrist and over his shoulder-blade. They apparated a Veela expert into the operation and he advised them over the proceedings.

The operation was a success. Well, he survived at least.

"""""""""

He woke up from pain on his flank; but his eyes hadn't opened that he already felt he couldn't breathe. He sat up in panic, throwing his hand over his mouth. A contraption was installed in front of his face and the fear made him breathe in. He held the machine in front of his lips and listened to it pushing oxygen into his body. He opened his eyes and his vision was blurred. His eyes felt heavy and closed by their own accord. He tried to move but found that nothing did. He peaked at his feet and sent the command to set them in motion, but nothing moved. He could move his arms, his face and his chest, but from his waist down he felt nothing. His heart beat started to pick up as he realised that he was paralysed. The machine went crazy trying to follow his breathing.

"Woah woah calm down princess" Someone called next to him and he turned to see a young man in a white uniform walking towards him. The man checked on the machine and looked at Draco:

"Draco, seriously calm down" He said "I'm Doctor Klaymore; I specialise in Veela's and I'm telling you, relax. You're okay"

Draco nodded and breathed deeply in and out. He felt his heart going down. He tried to speak but the machine blocked him and a sort of groan left his lips. He looked up to his doctor who sat down and lifted his feet on top of Draco's bed.

"Can't talk yet buddy, the machine's inhibiting it. Sorry 'bout that" He explained while grabbing an apple and taking a bite. Draco raised an eye brow at him and lifted his arm to point at his legs. Doctor Klaymore gulped down a piece and replied:

"Yeah that's from the operation. Hm yeah sorry no one told you. So you arrived here with a busted vein; internal bleeding, all the works. We operated you and you're okay now; but we had to go through your back, which is why your legs don't function. It should come back"

Draco was stuck at the 'should' come back. He looked at the man, unable to talk to him, to insult him; and now his legs were gone too. He sent his best cold glance at the man but he didn't pay any attention. He simply threw his apple away and stretched out _. Just my luck_ , Draco thought, I'm _lumbered with the cowboy_. Klaymore then leaned forward and put a hand on Draco, careful to leave the blanket between them.

"But, dear man, there is something we do need to talk about" He said seriously "You need to reach out to your mate. We can keep you alive but emotionally you will perish at some point"

Draco sighed and shrugged, for lack of speech. Klaymore approached him.

"Do you feel strong enough to breathe by yourself? You should be able to" He asked. Draco breathed in and out heavily a couple times, and confident enough he nodded. The healer removed the contraption, only then did Draco notice that it went into his throat. He clicked his jaw, massaging his cheeks; and finally he felt he could speak again.

"I have reached out to him" He said "Well not exactly. In any case, he knows"

"Then why the hell are you here? Why are you not huddled up with hubby or something?" Klaymore sort of snapped. Draco turned away.

"It's complicated"

"How so?"

"He needs to _think about it_ "

He closed his eyes. Think about it, it sounded wrong even to him; and he was so sickly in love that he wanted nothing more than to believe it. The healer got up and circled round the bed, checking him over.

"Your mark is far too advanced" He said "As you know; your body is failing; which is alright. Well no it is not alright, what I mean is that we can treat that. We can't treat your heart, as it were. If you give in, then it's over"

""""""""

A shot of pain woke him up in the middle of the night. He screamed with tears running down his cheeks. His face was scrunched up in pain and he looked up to the ceiling. He dreamt that Harry came for him, that he held him close and that it soothed him from the inside. After that he turned towards Draco, looked him in the eyes and whispered:

"I do like you, but I'm sorry. I can't do this"

And Draco's entire world crumbled to pieces. The pain he felt then was so intense, so real; that when he woke up it was still there, and it was clawing away at him. He couldn't breathe; he felt the need to grab his machine, had he remembered that it existed. He could not think of anything, he could just feel this intense pain conquering him. He was going to die alone, and he'd never been happy. He'd die; and the worst part is that it is the best possible outcome. He suddenly felt like dying, felt like slitting his wrist; anything to stop this. He couldn't do this anymore; he was just dragging himself through the dirt, holding onto that bit of hope; and it was all in vain.

Healers gathered round his bed, they were wearing special gloves, and they held him down. He remembered hearing Klaymore's voice telling him to:

"Draco, Draco, focus now. It was just a dream, it's not real. You must keep believing. Don't give up"

Draco didn't know if he could. Didn't this spell the end? The healers went away, one by one as he started calming down even though his tears kept falling. He felt the sting on his back where he knew the mark was growing, but it hardly mattered. He looked over to his healer.

"How could I not give up?" He asked brokenly. Klaymore sat down on his bed and looked down at the covers.

"There is something out there worth fighting for out there, Draco" He replied soberly.

"How do you know?"

Klaymore shrugged and crossed his legs.

"Experience. He'll turn round in the end"

Draco turned his face against his cushion. He didn't reply, didn't care much for Doctor Klaymore's sob story; he just knew that he had to be wrong. He glanced down at his feet and wiggled his toes. Above the surface of the blanket, nothing moved. He tried lifting his knee, and his mind he did, but still nothing moved.

"I will walk again, won't I?" He asked. Even if Harry came and swooped him away, he would not spend the rest of his life as a cripple.

"You will"

He didn't believe him. He knew that Klaymore was being a psychiatrist and that he was cheering him up, but Draco knew he could not promise that he would walk again. He sent another message, a last one; and still nothing moved.

"""""""""

Upon his wake, Draco felt tired and drained, but something seemed to have sparked inside of him. He sat up straight, pushing himself up on his arms; something wet was underneath his palms but he ignored it. This time it would work, it would simply have too. He closed his eyes and breathed in, sent a message down to his right knee and lifted it up.

The covers didn't even blink. He looked at them, desperate for them to move. With a breath he fell back on the bed, only then did he realise that most of the bed was wet. He closed his eyes with clenched fist. This was not happening. He turned in search for his wand but his rear end remained glued to the mattress so he couldn't turn enough. A nurse came in quietly and he looked at her operate. She took her own wand and whispered a scorgify on the bed. She looked at Draco and asked:

"Doctor Klaymore says that the performing of a simple spell might sting but it would not essentially harm you. Would you like me to apply a cleaning spell on you too?"

Draco didn't hesitate for a second and nodded his assent. She whispered the spell and he gritted his teeth. The pain was bearable. The nurse left without a word, and he thanked her for that. Draco turned his head and saw Doctor Klaymore, the one and only, by the door. He approached and said with his hand in his pockets:

"Sorry we didn't warn you about that. Because your lower body is paralysed for the moment, so is your control over your bladder. Accidents will happen" He came by him and punched him friendly on the shoulder "Good job your kidneys have failed, so you only produce a little hé?"

Draco didn't even bother to reply to that. He held his head high up and said:

"I will not live like this" Klaymore sat on the chair.

"You won't have to" He answered "Couple of days it will all be over. Then you can enjoy taking a leak again"

Draco sighed and leaned back on bed. Breakfast was brought to him but he never ate. He couldn't care less. He kept his mouth shut and didn't say a word. He was too shamed, and too far away from he was to act normal. He did however drink the dreamless sleep potion before he once again dozed off in the wide blue yonder.

He remained in there for hours; his hands kept reaching out in the emptiness, his eyeballs rolled behind his lids in search for him; and he just couldn't find him.

"""""""""

They told him that he needed a new operation, this time to save his liver from rupturing. This time he was awake when they moved him through Saint Mungo's, and God how he wished he were unconscious – or dead. Everywhere around there was disease and madness. He saw a man without legs crawl on the floor, sniffing at it and making obscene gestures. He saw a mother, probably, dragging her young child by the hair to the coffee. He saw an elderly woman sitting by the window in a wheel chair, she had tubes sticking out of her and part of her face was laid bare. None of them had their wand. They were reduced to muggle standard in here; sick muggles. A man grabbed one of the accompanying nurses by the leg and screamed words that Draco could not comprehend; she never budged. This was madness. It was not a silly mark crawling on your back, itching like mad and compelling you forward. This was real. He turned away, because it did not make him feel better for himself; he didn't have that 'I'm better off' moment. He supposed most of these people weren't aware of what they were missing, and he wanted that: Oblivion.

He was brought into the operating theatre and it foresaw nothing good to him. The room was white, safe for bags of blood put into a blue bucket on the right hand side. It was wide and large, full of machines and wands put onto a table on the far end of the room. Draco was laid on the table and he grabbed the sleeve of one of the healers.

"After this, will I walk again?" He asked quietly. The healer removed his hand and replied professionally:

"We are treating your liver today; your legs will heal by themselves"

And more and more Draco felt that they were all just trying to keep him alive, just not standing.

""""""""

His operation had been a success, and they even managed to inject a special potion into his kidneys to help their maintain too. He had high hopes upon his wake, but when he moved his legs, still nothing happened. He was still paralysed and alone in that forsaken place. The nurse brought him breakfast, explaining that he was on a new diet to strengthen up. They could have forced it down his throat he wouldn't have eaten it. He tried one bite, and by the way his stomach turned just from that, he knew it was a bad idea.

He skipped lunch and dinner too. A psychiatrist had come to talk to him but he kept his mouth shut and his head turned away. He didn't feel like bothering to speak to anyone who's initials were not H.P. Sad part is that one of his doctors is called Heliac Pittersburg, and he wouldn't talk to him either. He didn't talk to anyone that day.

He sat on his bed, quietly scratching at his wrist, where an open wound was now starting to form, doing his best to keep all bodily fluids inside of him – and failing twice – staring at the blankets. He had a pain shot once on his shoulder where Harry was probably being touched, and his mark grew more and more by the instant. He couldn't see, but he had felt it crawl up over his neck and beneath his jaw, he knew it was there.

Beginning of the evening he had suddenly felt something other than loneliness and emptiness: he had felt angry. He felt so pissed off that he could rip the covers off – which he did. He threw the bottles by his bedside on the floor and yelled. He wanted to scream, to yell, to punch, to kill. And the nurses could thank Merlin that they were used to this; they knew that they shouldn't enter.

The anger subsided very quickly, and he was left with this unnerving feeling of sadness. His yell turned into a sob and the broken glass on the floor became the tears on his face. This just wasn't fair. He was meant to be a pure blood, a powerful man in his prime, he was meant to be strong; instead of that he found himself half a beast, stripped off of his family title and his power, paralysed, mad and incontinent. It just wasn't fair.

A letter arrived for him, a nurse brought it in. He opened it slowly and read:

 _Dear Draco,_

 _I have finished thinking now, it did take me a while._

 _It was a hard decision, but I realised that I cannot live a lie as important._

 _I am sorry._

 _Yours truly,_

 _Harry Potter._

Draco stopped breathing for a moment. Part of his brain was seeing all the signs, but most of it saw a confirmation of what he had dreamt. The letter fell to the floor and Draco turned his gaze desperately to his feet. No matter how hard he tried, they still didn't move. He turned his head to the side and closed his eyes; the friction made a single tear fall from his eye. He turned away from it all. For a moment he remembered, Klaymore's words: _If you give in, then it's over_.

But he did anyway.


	14. I choose You

**Chapter Fourteen : I choose you.**

 _If this is being dead, then it sucks_ , was Draco's first clear thought. He didn't believe in hell or paradise, he didn't believe there was anything as a matter of fact; he just supposed it would be better than not being able to open your eyes and hearing people shout around you. It reminded him of Christmas morning at the Manor. He tried to open his eyes but felt they were going the same way as his legs, blackness surrounded him. He stopped and listened to the shouting. He heard his name a couple of times, the sounds of the machine in motion, something of a struggle and rain drops crashing against the window. He blinked and looked up at the ceiling, finally managing to see.

He was disappointed by how quickly he recognized the place. He knew this was Saint Mungo's, that he wasn't dead; unfortunately. His entire body was paralysed this time, he could move his eyes and his neck, but his energy was not enough to do more. He was just so tired, so done with all this. He turned his head just to see what was going then and his heart stopped, for real this time. Everyone stopped with him and he looked at the group standing by the door. There were three doctors doing their best to keep Harry Potter, the one and only, out of the room. Draco stared for a moment he then said quietly:

"Get him out" He remembered the letter and shouted "Get him out!"

Harry protested, yelling things Draco did not listen to. He turned round and closed off his ears – and his heart – as a struggling pain took over his chest. He managed to lift his arm and hold onto his chest. He closed his eyes with the agony, just from remembering the rejection. He felt something wet on his chin and reached for it. It was blood. He knew the mark had spread again. Soon it will take over him and there will be nothing left. Not that there was much left anyway.

Klaymore sat by him on the bed. He looked over at the door and then out of the window, before settling on Draco's limp form.

"He's your mate, isn't he?" He asked. Draco took the closest cushion he could find and hugged it close to him. He simply nodded his reply, daring not to speak.

"Why did you send him away?" He added. Draco sighed and tried to sit up but his legs refused to cooperate. Klaymore helped him and he leaned back holding the cushion still.

"He rejected me, ok?" Draco said "He doesn't me so I don't want to see him"

Klaymore nodded and crossed his arms.

"That explains the near death situation. How did he do it?" He questioned while leaning back so that he too was lying on the bed by Draco's feet. The latter looked out the window, laying his head on the pillow.

"He sent me a letter, yesterday. Said he didn't want to live a lie as important" He replied. Klaymore nodded to no one in particular and stared at the ceiling. After a while he frowned and sat back up.

"Saint Mungo's doesn't allow letters" He said. Draco shrugged.

"Probably allowed it because it came from Harry bloody Potter"

"No, it would have had to pass through me"

Draco sighed and didn't even grant him another look.

"Look, he rejected me; can we stop about it now? It's already hard enough" He said coldly. Klaymore frowned and got up; he left quickly without another word. Draco didn't bother to react. It's all over anyway. He closed his eyes and waited. Perhaps dying was more like he thought it would be; and for the first time in his life, he was actually looking forward to it.

""""""""""

He didn't die. He didn't feel alive, granted, but he did not die. He just stayed in bed, he didn't even bother trying his legs again; he just gave up. He didn't eat, he didn't speak for the rest of the day. He only looked up when Klaymore came back in a rush and announced loudly:

"Princess! I got it!" Draco looked at him with an interrogating eye brow. He sat down, plonked heavily on the bed, Draco didn't even feel it. He waited patiently, he had nothing better to do anyway.

"That letter you supposedly got from Harry, well it isn't!" He said excitedly. Draco nodded his very sarcastic assent.

"Of course it wasn't him Klay"

"No I'm serious Draco!" He waived his arms about "I've looked up the files and everything. We did receive letters from HP but they were never passed on; and I read them, they are not about rejection Draco"

Draco looked at him and thought about it. He reread the letter is his head, because he remembered the words so easily. The more he thought about, the more he knew it wasn't Harry's style. He would never talk like that, he would not say 'yours truly' and he probably wouldn't sign it with his surname too; but it had to be Harry's, this was meant to be. Draco had died because of this. It was real, he knew it. And then he realised. He put a hand on his mouth.

"Oh Fuck, my father" He breathed "It sounded like my father" He turned abruptly towards Klaymore "That nurse, she must have pushed it through"

"What does she look like?" Draco had to think about, because he just didn't look that closely. He shrugged.

"Well actually I only know that her hair is dark" He said. Klaymore sighed.

"Yeah like ninety percent of the nurses round here"

They talked on for a bit more, trying to extract the most of the little they had. Draco looked out of the window. So it didn't come from Harry. He wouldn't allow himself the pain of hoping again, but fact is that he had not been rejected. Unconsciously, hope did start to bloom in him again. His mark stopped growing, he stopped feeling eat; even though his shoulder blades continued to bleed.

Klaymore returned with a list of names and Draco looked through it. No name rang a bell. It had to be an ex death-eater, or wife of a death-Eater, or maybe a bad deter. Anyone who Lucius could control. He sighed; before he could truly allow himself to hope again – not that he would – he needed the confirmation that that letter was not from Harry. Klaymore stayed a bit more by him.

"Harry's here again today. He's hoping to see you" He said. Draco turned the page on his book.

"Don't let him in" He replied. Klaymore sighed and sat up to look him face to face.

"Now look here Princess" He said firmly "We already talked about this. Your body is failing. We can keep you alive and all that but you need to **live,** not survive. This guy wants to see you, why not let him in?"

Draco continued to read and didn't reply. He could not go against what Klaymore had said; of course he knew he was right. He never did answer, he simply ignored it. He was flattered and a bit scared that Harry was here. He leaned back and closed his eyes. Soon he drifted into sleep; a long and dreamless sleep.

"""""""""

He awoke the next morning for breakfast, where ** _the_** nurse came to bring him food. This time he truly observed her, but she didn't remind him of anything. He did however notice the ring gleaming off her finger.

"Have you been married long?" He asked sneakily. The nurse smiled, as if she was very happy to talk about it.

"Not, actually. I'm engaged" She replied. He pretended to be awfully interested by this and added:

"My congratulations. Who is the lucky man if I may?"

"Thorfinn Rowle"

She left with a satisfied blush and Draco just couldn't put a face on the name. He knew the name, but that could either mean that he was indeed a Death-Eater, or he could be some kind of unspeakable. He called in Klaymore to look it up for him. The latter informed him that school had started again and that his first lessons had been sent.

Draco took one look at it and pushed it do the side. He was probably never going to go back anyway. He couldn't even imagine his future now, let alone build up towards a future job. He called one of the nurses, a different one this time, and asked her to bring him all of Harry's letters. They were first tested and retested; but by dinner Draco had them.

It was a little stack of four letters, all put into the correct order. The Slytherin breathed in and started reading the first one.

 _Dear Draco,_

 _I am sorry I didn't see you off. I am sorry you've been taken in. I didn't really know how to react to that, I should have stopped it._

 _I've tried to reach you ever since, but they never let me in or tell me anything. Madame Pomfrey just said that you had an immediate operation. I hope you're okay._

 _Like I told you last time, I am starting to think that you are right; and I've probably never felt as miserable in my life._

 _I miss you, and I will go on trying to get to you._

 _Harry._

Draco's heart beat faster than it did before. This was not a rejection, and it did sound like Harry. He took the next one.

 _Dear Draco,_

 _Just a short note to tell you that I hope you are okay. I've read a bit more on Veelas and I suppose it must be tough for you (Well duh, otherwise you wouldn't be in Saint Mungo's)._

 _Merlin I'm sorry, I was an idiot._

 _I hope to see you real soon._

 _Harry._

Draco was trying to make sense of the words, read between the lines. In a certain way, he knew that he was being ridiculous, that Harry was clear and that there were no hidden messages, but he just had to look; just in case. He took the next one.

 _Dear Draco,_

 _I came by this morning, and the nurse said you were being operated. Please be alright..._

 _I want to give it a shot. Us I mean. I don't know much yet, I guess I just want to see you to know for sure; but I do know that I miss you and that I want to be with you._

 _I won't stop trying._

 _Harry._

A tear rolled from his eyes, as he was starting to realise what was going on. The nurses dated the letters by arrival. The last one had arrived at the same time that he received the rejection letter. It simply read:

 _I choose you._

And Draco caved in. His heart beat went so fast and he didn't know if he was relieved or terrified. He started sweating and stressing; and for the first time since a while, he turned towards his legs and tried moving them. They didn't. He looked at the covers in a desperate act. What was real? What if this letter still was not Harry and all was a lie? What if his twisted genes recreated the sentence into what they wanted or needed to see?

His thoughts were interrupted by the return of Klaymore wearing a successful grin and throwing an apple repeatedly in the air.

"You were right" He said as he sat down "Thorfinn Rowle is a suspected Death-Eater who has a criminal file as long as your arm"

And there it was; laid out on the table: the truth. Harry had not rejected him, it wasn't him. In fact, they chose each other. Draco turned towards Klaymore and asked:

"The mark, will it disappear?"

Klaymore put the apple down on the cupboard and stood up.

"I want to show you something" He said as he removed his shirt. Behind on his back was a mark. On his right shoulder blade, a single feather was carved in blue print. Draco now remembered that he had talked of his own experience. He looked up at him.

"What happened?"

Klaymore sat back down and kept his shirt off.

"A bit like you" He replied "My mate already had a man, so she didn't want me. I ended up a bit like you; ill and sick and everything. It didn't last as long as you though. She came to me fairly quickly"

"What happened to the mark?"

"It left" He shrugged "The deeper wounds, the shoulder blade ones, are the only ones that stay. I've got one feather, you're going to have the entire bloody wings if you carry on! You've already got one Draco. Don't you get it? **He is here for you** ; if that second wing finishes, you're over. Your mind will be gone. He is here now, don't let him go again"

Draco looked at him, and thought about it. He said, honestly for the first time:

"I can't go through that again. Once more and it'll be the death of me" Klaymore nodded and got up.

"Let me get him, okay?"

Draco thought about and nodded.

"Just let me do something first"

"""""""""""

Draco sat down in front of his book and parchment. He dipped his feather in the jar of ink and started writing in elegant script.

 _Dear Sir, Madam,_

 _I, Draco Abraxas Lucius Malfoy, do hereby declare officially my retreat from the Malfoy Family. I wish to be taken from my father's will and do hereby renounce to all wealth and legacy that my name could have brought to me._

 _I wish to take on my mother – Narcissa Juliet Malfoy -'s maiden name of Black, and be completely part of that family, known only as such._

 _I look forward to hearing from you._

 _Cordially,_

 _Draco A.L._

He folded it neatly and wrote another letter to his father in Azkaban; to announce him that he was disowning himself. His father had of course wanted to, but never had time to do so. He sent both letters away and breathed out. He had officially done it. He would no longer be a Malfoy, no longer be everything that he has always been. He looked down at his arm; the mark had completely taken over the other one. It was circling round it like a snake, a nicer one. Around the blue curves, the black ink from the Dark mark was fading, until now only the borders were still seen. Draco snorted at the irony and the symbol. It was done. He had waved his old life ' _thank you, fuck you and goodbye_ '. He lifted his head in victory. He had lost the bane of his life, the obligations that his name brought, but he still felt minimally proud – plus the added fact that he can now keep the water works inside him – he felt alright, all things considered.

Klaymore knocked on his door and passed his head in the room.

"He's here" He simply said "Can I let him in?"

Draco thought about it a moment and asked:

"Klay, tell me really, will I walk again?" Klaymore smiled at him and replied:

"Yes you will Princess" And he went out.

Draco tried sitting up, pushing himself up on his arms. He put the cushions correctly behind his back and did his hair up; not that it mattered. He knew he looked awful, even worse than he had before. The mark now showed from everywhere, as it was taking over his entire arm and coming up to his face. He wanted badly to glamour himself, but part of him wanted Harry to know what he had done to him. A knock came to the door and Klaymore opened it.

"He's waiting outside. Do you want me to stay?" He asked. Draco shook his head. He wanted, and needed this time alone with Harry. Klaymore left and the door remained open. There was a pause and then he was there. Draco had to turn his head away from shame as he felt him getting closer. His heart beat went so fast that he felt sure that Harry could hear it. The latter sat down on the chair by his side. There was a silence for a moment before Harry said:

"Hi" Draco turned to him and looked at him, he hadn't changed.

"Hi" He replied. Harry stared at him, looked at the mark, at his scars and at his state.

"Woah, you look..." He paused "Like shit"

Draco sent him a wry smile.

"Yeah I know"

They looked at each other, deep in each other's eyes and the words echoed between them: _I choose you_. Harry got up and sat on the bed, closer to him. He stretched his hand towards Draco's, after a moment of hesitation he put them together. A pang filled Draco and he suddenly felt like this was breathing; like he'd been on pause for the past days – or weeks, he didn't know. He turned his hand so they lay palm to palm and Harry threaded their fingers together.

"How are you?" He finally asked. Draco looked at their hands as he played between them.

"Alright"

Harry looked at him and put a finger underneath his chin to lift his head. He caressed the mark on his neck and added:

"What happened to you? No one will tell me"

Draco took the hand from his body and held onto it. He waited a moment and explained:

"My body is failing, basically. So I came here with internal bleeding, had an operation. My kidneys and my liver are practically drugged into working, had an operation for that too. Well that's it really. Oh and I'm paralysed from the waist down"

"What?!" Harry interjected.

"I'm paralysed from the waist down. It's temporary"

Harry held more onto his hand and looked up to him. He suddenly reached out and put his arms around Draco's waist.

"Merlin I'm so sorry Draco" He whispered in his ear "I was so stupid, this shouldn't have happened"

Draco breathed, finally, and embraced him back.

"It's okay" He replied "You're here now"

Harry extracted himself a little and looked at him.

"I do choose you" He said honestly "I don't really know where to take it from here, or what's happening; but I do want to try"

Something welled up inside him as he saw those eyes searching for his; he had wanted it for so long – or at least it felt like it had been a lifetime. Perhaps it had been. Draco smiled.

"You are going Gryffindor on me again, Potter" Harry chuckled and gave him a good natured shove.

"Shut up" They both looked down with small smiles. Draco revelled in the small touch. It felt like he was reborn, that he was here again. He felt a fluid gliding through every curve in his mark, but it didn't hurt, it felt like a caress. He remembered and added:

"Oh I've been disowned by the way. Well not disowned as such, I sent a letter to the ministry to be removed from the Malfoy family"

"I can't imagine you not being a Malfoy" Harry replied quite honestly. Draco shrugged.

"I'll still be as much a Malfoy as I was. I am simply not keeping the name" He explained.

"And which name will you have?"

"Black"

Harry smiled and pulled his legs over onto the bed, keeping his firm hold on Draco's hand, carefully caressing him with his thumb.

"Well that's cool" He said "I've always quite fancied the Blacks"

Draco shoved him.

"I always knew there was something between you and Black"

Harry smiled and touched his hand. Draco just knew that it was still there between them: _I choose you_. Something odd formed in his throat and he started coughing lightly. Harry did ask him if it was all alright and he did think it was. He breathed in and it built up a pressure in him. He frowned and laid a hand on his chest.

"Something feels... weird" He breathed. Harry stretched his arm and touched his heart. He frowned too.

"It's fast" He answered "And irregular"

His vision turned as he looked up at the ceiling and he broke up in sweat. He could feel the heat radiating from his back, as droplets pushed his eye lids down. He vaguely felt Harry holding him up, vaguely recognized Klaymore's voice calling the nurses. He vaguely thought of the irony: of dying when he finally wants to live.

""""""""""

 _If this is being dead, then it still sucks_ ; he thought. It was white, fucking white; he felt like a story book. Everything was white, and everything was empty. Actually, his gaze was stuck to the ceiling, and seemed unwilling to turn towards the room. A voice was calling him again; and _Merlin if this is the voice of the Lucifer then please send me to hell_. Something touched his hand and he finally managed to pull himself from _white_ and saw him. _Oh mama, and if this is Gabriel then let me die_. Klaymore sat on his other side.

"Hey Buddy, how are you?" He turned towards him with a witty answer at the ready, but as he thought about it he stopped. He raised an eye brow at himself and replied oddly:

"Well... I feel alright actually" Harry breathed out a sigh of relief and Klaymore smiled unsurprised. Draco just looked between them "Why what happened?"

They both sat down by his side on the bed, Harry held his hand tenderly as Klaymore explained:

"Your body was used to being in 'survival mode' shall we say, and suddenly your mate was here and not rejecting you, it completely changed everything over. Your genes were changing again, because they weren't hurting as much anymore; that caused you to faint at the time. You slept for about fourteen hours, the time for your code to change, and now you should be better"

Draco stared at him for a moment, not quite believing it. This was it then? The fight was over?

"So I'm cured?" He asked hopefully. Klaymore leaned back:

"Well not completely. Your kidneys and your liver are still badly damaged but now they can actually heal properly, instead of us 'sustaining' them. That plus, unless I am mistaken, your legs are still paralysed"

Upon hearing all this, Draco dared to hope again and all three of them turned a grateful eye towards his legs. He sent the command. And still nothing moved. He shook his head. Klaymore told him not to worry, that it would come back in time; but he had been saying that for quite some time too. He soon left, leaving them alone. Harry took him in his arms and Draco held him back, inhaling that intoxicating smell.

"You really scared me there" Harry whispered. Draco didn't answer, he just held him tighter. They stayed like that for a moment before Harry asked:

"What happens now?"

"Nothing" Was his simple reply "I stay here until my body is fully recovered; you can either go back and forth or you can ask to come here too; because I sure as hell am not going to let you leave"

Harry smiled at that and bowed dramatically.

"At your service, my lady" He said. Draco shoved him off the bed. He just laughed and got back up again. He added "No actually I meant to us. I haven't read that part yet, but there is a bonding of some sorts isn't there?"

Draco nodded at that and answered:

"Yes there is. It is a bit like a wedding, I suppose. It's a ritual where the traditional words are uttered and stuff like that"

Harry bit his lip and looked down at the covers.

"Do you mind if we don't do that yet?" He quickly added "It's just that it's so much so fast; and even though I do choose you, I haven't chosen this path yet"

Draco felt a pang in his chest upon hearing his hesitation, but he accepted; he had no other choice in the matter anyway. He wanted his complete commitment, but he refused – because of that hint of pride and self-respect that he has left – to beg for it, or to force to give it. So he nodded and replied:

"Don't worry about it. I told: Live free or let me die. I want you to choose this, I won't be the one to force you"

Harry smiled at him and caressed his hand. Draco wanted to lean forward to touch him more, his hands itched to do so; but Harry's hesitant somewhat _heroic_ eyes kept him from doing so; we did want him to choose this by himself.

"I won't let you die, Draco" Harry said and Draco smiled too. He knew he wouldn't, he had always known in a sense.

Beneath the covers, too small to be seen or felt, a single toe tapped against the mattress.

 **Finally some comfort! I hope you like and review xxx (I'd be happy to take on suggestions or other commisions, even though I have some firm ideas in mind for this story)**


	15. Breathe

**Chapter Fifteen: Breathe**

It almost felt weird to see the sun again. Draco had forgotten what it was like to be blinded in the face of light. It had been too long for him, since he had been capable of getting out of bed, long enough to get out. His legs were still not functioning enough to carry him, but magic could be used on him once more. He was levitated outside, where the snow had started to melt. Harry was by his side; ditching school, again. Draco never said, but he appreciated the gesture.

"It's fucking bright" He finally said "And fucking cold, what did you bring me out here for?"

Harry laughed and stood behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist timidly. Draco leaned back into the touch as an encouragement, and he felt all the cold disappear from his body with a sigh of relief.

"I had to get you out" Harry replied "Look at you, you've got prison paler"

"Good point"

They stayed like that for a moment; just staring out – for Harry's side – Draco just enjoyed the moment. He wouldn't say that it was rare, but they were still finding it all out. Harry sometimes reached out to him, like now, but mostly he only touched him when something went wrong; so he enjoyed it while it was there.

"Hey Dray" Harry called "Do you mind if I drop the levitation? It's kind of pumping my energy"

Draco nodded and just there he remembered. Harry caught him beneath his arms and put him down on the steps of Saint Mungo's. Harry was here now, why the hell couldn't he walk yet? He still had to take potions to keep his kidneys and his liver functioning properly. Harry had noticed that his mark was getting lighter and lighter though. He looked down at the snow as Harry sat by his side.

"What's on your mind?" He asked. Draco shrugged.

"Wondering what the hell I did wrong to be stuck with you for the rest of my life"

Harry chuckled and gave him a shove.

"You love me really" He replied. It had never been said between them. Obviously, they had only been together – between brackets – for a couple of days, so it wouldn't be said. Truth be told, Draco was craving a kiss; Merlin it sounded desperate. He'd been so close to it a couple of times, since the beginning, but it never happened. He felt it was that that he was missing to feel complete. This was all very nice, but it was too sweet, and Draco is not a sweet guy. He never did answer.

A nurse came out and handed Draco a letter. From the mark on it, he recognized the ministry insignia. He quickly told Harry that this had to be the reply to his disownment request. He opened it and read, Harry reading closely over his shoulder.

 _To Sir Draco Malfoy,_

 _Your request has been studied closely by our team of experts. In normal cases your request would be rejected due to your age. However, we realise that your situation is complicated in view of your father's admission to Azkaban prison._

 _We cannot simply disown you without at least one of your parent's authorisation, on account of your needed emancipation; we have sent an owl to Narcissa Malfoy Black but it has proven in vain as her location is unknown._

 _We can offer you a clause stating that on your eighteenth birthday, you are to be known officially as part of the Black family; until then, you are to remain a Malfoy._

 _If you have any additional questions, do not hesitate to contact us._

 _Cordially,_

 _Francine Higgins,_

 _Department of human rights_

 _Ministry of Magic._

Draco sighed and rolled the parchment back up. He looked up at the sky, leaning his tired head of Harry's shoulder.

"Oh well, I'm still a Malfoy" He said "Shame really. 'Cause you like Blacks but not Malfoys"

Harry shrugged behind him and replied:

"That's true. I'll just run off and find a Black somewhere"

Draco shoved him with his elbow and Harry laughed as he held his ribs.

"That actually hurt you bitch" He interjected "You're too bony to do that"

"Oh posh"

Harry smiled and put his arms around Draco again. The latter didn't know what to do, he wanted this; he needed this. The mark was getting smaller but he still felt it over his body, flowing strongly round his shoulder blades. He wanted this, but he also wanted more. The bond was of yet still incomplete and it made the itch come back. He didn't doubt that Harry wanted to be with him; but whereas most Veela mates love the Veela at the acceptance stage, Harry is a hero who came to save the day. He likes Draco, probably a lot, but it just isn't that yet.

"How are you feeling?" Harry asked, as if reading his mind. Draco shrugged.

"Weak; tired of needing potions and Levitation. I just want to feel normal you know? Well not normal obviously, amazing as I was" He added as an afterthought. Harry chuckled.

"Obviously"

The same nurse that had brought him his letter returned and said:

"Mister Malfoy? You have a visitor. I regret to inform you that we had to send her away, protocol"

Draco asked Harry to levitate him again so that he could face her properly – well as properly as he can.

"Who was it?" He asked, anticipation the answer to be Rita Squeeter. If he hadn't been held up by magic, he would have fallen when the woman said:

"Your mother"

"""""""""""

Draco was back in bed, thinking about this. Harry sat on the chair next to him, working on a potion's assignment that Draco would not do; fuck school.

"My mum's in France. I doubt she would have come" He finally said. Harry looked up at him.

"Well maybe she heard about Lucius being in Azkaban and thought it was safe to come back"

He thought about it and he knew it made sense. It was world news; of course it had to be true. She had found out, and she had come back for him. Draco turned towards Harry.

"Do you mind being here when she comes?" He asked "Best case scenario, it is her, and then you can meet properly. Worst case scenario it isn't her, and then I've got my hero here"

"Ever the girl" Harry replied with a smile, but he seemed to get it. Draco hardly thought about her; when he was dying, when he was in a bad state, he never thought of her. She hardly ever crossed his mind; it seemed too occupied with other things; but now that she had been brought forward again, he did want to see her. He wanted to talk to her about the past weeks, he wanted her to see and accept Harry. He remembered something and called Klaymore in with a request to see every single letter that had been sent to him.

Harry allowed him his privacy and continued doing his essay as Draco browsed through the paper. There were two letters from Pansy, demanding an explanation for his absence; a couple more from Blaise – from just after Christmas till two days back – expressing worry for his well being; some from other people, curious about his absence. Amongst all this there were two from his mother. The first one read:

 _Draco, my precious,_

 _I have heard about Lucius and I am so sorry, Dragon. I should never have left you this close after the incident. The Dark Mark you will have forever, but what Lucius did is so much worse. I am in chock._

 _I wanted to return to you, find you after this. But as Evelyn pointed out to me: I am in hiding because I am now a sworn enemy of the Dark Lord, I know too much. Coming to you would prove too dangerous for both of us._

 _I do often think of you, and I pray that you have your mate by your side; that you are safe and if possible, happy._

 _I love you Dragon._

 _Narcissa._

It was dated back to Draco's first admission at Saint Mungo's. He took the second one, dated two days ago. He supposed this was this mother saying that she changed her mind. He opened it and read:

 _Dragon,_

 _I wish to see you. I hear no more of you and I worry. Your situation is delicate and frankly quite scary. I wish to find you, speak to you._

 _But –_

The door opened and he was interrupted. He looked up and Klaymore came in. He stood next to Harry with a smile.

"Your mother is passing the tests at this very moment" He said. Draco nodded. He understood the need for safety. If a criminal came in, he or she would have access to all the invalids and research of the United Kingdom. He got anxious. Klaymore went away, leaving them the needed privacy. Draco turned to Harry.

"Do I look alright?" He asked. Harry put his books away and sat on the bed.

"Well..." He started "I think you look fine, but you've seen better days"

Draco sighed _. I fucking knew it_. He turned to his bed side cupboard where his wand lay in the draw. He hadn't used it since, he wasn't strong enough apparently. He supposed he was now. He took it in both his hands.

"You planning a glamour?" Harry asked as he looked at him. Draco shrugged.

"I just don't her to see me like this, you know?" He replied "She gets worried"

Harry nodded and for a moment he wondered if he minded, not having had a mother to worry about him. The Slytherin flicked his wand over his own face and whispered the incantation. He felt the magic seeping into him, drawing into the curves of the mark and the corner of his cheeks.

"Did it work?" He wondered aloud. Harry lifted his hand slowly and traced along the lines of his face.

"It looks unnatural" He said "But yeah it worked"

Draco sent him a vague smile but said nothing. He knew that he didn't like him wearing a glamour, but it simply had to be. He took Harry's hand and held it under his chin. He closed his eyes and breathed in.

"Are you scared?" Harry asked. Draco remained as he was and replied:

"Not scared per se. It just feels like it's been a long time and a lot has happened since we last saw each other. Plus she's never really met you; I mean she knows you're my mate, but she's never seen you... being my mate"

It was the first time it was said so clearly between them, and Draco's chest bloomed at the feeling. Harry took his hand back and put it onto his lap.

"How do we... you know, move on from here?" He asked shyly. Draco looked up at him, prodding him to continue "Well I mean... You've still got those pain fits and stuff, you're not completely healed. The bond isn't complete is it?"

The Veela looked down at their hands that were not joined.

"No it isn't" He answered "There's a very specific ritual that has to be done to join our magic"

"And then what?"

"Then we're both stronger; and we can be around other people without my genes throwing a tantrum" He explained "Something like magical marriage I guess"

"Marriage..." Harry repeated slowly "And what happens if we like _divorce_?"

"Oh charming, you already want to divorce?" Draco asked sarcastically.

"No. But I do want to know everything"

Young Malfoy looked up at him, hesitating to say it; he supposed Harry was entitled to know; plus his body reacted badly to lying, sadly.

"I'll die" He finally said "If we _divorce_ , I mean. Well I'll die if you leave me now as well"

"But no pressure right?" Harry replied ironically. Draco sent him an odd look and took his hand slowly. He made him look up to him.

"Don't" He said "Really. Don't force yourself into anything, I don't need you too"

"You'll die if I don't" He answered, looking him helplessly in the eye "I do really like you Draco, and I meant it, I do choose you; but I just don't know how to carry on"

Draco caressed his hand in circular motions to keep him calm.

"You've got time, honestly. I am strong enough to survive till you make your mind up" He soothed "I don't expect anything"

"Yeah but-" And then the door opened. Draco turned quickly to Harry and whispered:

"We'll finish this later" Before releasing his hand. They both turned towards the door.

She was there. Narcissa Malfoy Black in all her finery. She wore a black velvet dress that Draco did not recognize; her blond hair fell in locks over her shoulder as her cloak fell behind her on the floor. Draco looked into her eyes, looking for that spark, but he didn't find it. She was not Harry; things were not the same anymore. He wanted to get up to embrace her but he couldn't yet. She walked to him with a smile that veered to the right and leaned forwards to hug him.

"Hi Draco" She whispered. Draco returned the hug.

"Hi mum" She turned round to look at Harry; an immediate smile poised upon her lips, she hugged him too. Harry just froze until she left him. Narcissa sat down on the bed by his side and looked at him.

"What happened?" She asked. Draco sat up on his bed.

"Well the Lucius situation you know, apparently" He started "As far as the mate situation. Harry's here now, but I've had a couple of operations; I was paralysed from the waist down but it's coming back now. That's about it"

She nodded, then suddenly leaned forward and took him in her arms.

"I'm sorry for all this" She said. Draco simply replied awkwardly:

"That's okay" He shared a look with Harry, who smiled back at him. It was alright.

"How are you?" He asked as she sat back down. She shrugged.

"I was fine, France was safe" She replied. Draco wanted to ask how Evelyn was, but he didn't. He looked at her, at how she sat on the bed, at the look in her eyes. A pressure built up inside him at his presence; she was a foreigner now. Up till then Harry and Klaymore had been the only ones close to him since all this. He stretched his hand discreetly behind towards Harry, who calmly reached out for him.

"How is it now? Between you?" She asked with a glint. Draco looked at Harry, and the Gryffindor answered for them both:

"We're good, Misses Malfoy. It did take me a while, and it is my fault that he is so weak now; but I do my best to make up for it"

She smiled at them, that smile that veers to the right. Draco's heart beat sped and he felt Harry hold his hand tighter. Narcissa laid a hand on his knee and it burned into his skin.

"What's wrong?" She asked. Draco put a hand over his chest, willing his heart to calm down. He shook his head.

"No nothing, don't worry" He closed his eyes for a moment. Harry sat next to him and touched his back.

"Is it a pain attack?" He whispered. Draco shook his head once more, trying to understand what exactly it was. He was never any good at feelings or at recognising them in himself. He could analyse them in other people but not find them in him. This time it did feel familiar, he could feel it in the rhythm of his breathing. He turned towards Harry and murmured in reply:

"It's more like fear" He looked over to his mother, stared at her expression. He pushed himself up on his arms and leaned further back against the pillows and onto Harry's chest. He realised.

"You're a lie" He said to himself, peering into her eyes.

"Sorry?" She replied. He frowned and repeated:

"You're a lie. Everything about you is a lie. Who are you?"

A rapid movement and she was up on her feet, wand at the ready in her hand. It was not his mother's wand, but he did know it.

"You are a smart boy" The person said with his mother's lips "We should have known it wouldn't work"

Behind him Harry pushed him forward and stood up with his own wand drawn.

"Don't you touch him" He ordered. Narcissa, or whoever she was, circled round them two steps.

"Him?" She asked innocently "What would I want with him?" She planted her nails in Draco's ankle and the touch was enough to make him grimace "A stupid disowned traitorous cripple?"

She threw a stupefy towards Draco but one of Harry's shields deflected it onto a cupboard in the room. Before he could apprehend it a bottle was thrown towards Harry and hit his hand, knocking his wand clean to the ground. Another stupefy was thrown but the Gryffindor jumped to the side. Spell after spell was launched until he was backed into a corner. Some hexes deflected near him, hitting him nearby. Draco pulled himself up and fell hard onto the floor, crawling with his arms towards where his mate's wand had rolled under a desk. Just as his fingers reached for the object and he pushed himself forward a little more, he heard it.

"Crucio!" He closed his eyes in fear, too scared to turn and listen to his screams, to see him wither in agony. The spell was aimed at Harry, like a magnetic field towards his chest; but Draco heard nothing; safe for a repeated:

"Crucio!" He grabbed the wand and turned round, this time ready to intervene; but nothing was happening. _Narcissa_ looked at her wand and back at Harry, who was backed against the wall on the floor with a frown. Draco wasted no second longer and threw the wand in the air.

"Harry!" He called and young Potter caught it in his hand and got up.

"Stupify!" He chanted and she was too stupefied to retaliate. Her body was thrown back into the room, smashed against the back wall, where she fell with her face first onto the ground. Draco watched her fall, he watched her blond hair take on a darker hint; her entire form shrunk and grew larger. He recognized her straight away as Alecto Carrow. Draco turned and looked at Harry. The latter had a few cuts and bruises from avoiding spells, his glasses had fallen from his nose and he was on his knees. He suddenly got up and crawled over to Draco, sneaking his arms around his waist and holding him tight.

"Are you okay?" He asked breathlessly. Draco hid his face in the curves of his neck and nodded slowly. He closed his eyes and his heart slowed down. Too slow. He breathed heavy and put a hand over his abdomen. Both of them looked at the red droplets pearling between his fingers. Harry gasped and pulled him up. He put him down on the bed and ran to the hall, calling names Draco didn't hear.

The Slytherin looked at the blood in his hands as his vision slowly went blurry. He turned to see Alecto lying on the floor. He was unfocused and his head fell to the side on his cushion. The pressure left his body with his fluids and he tried to move his feet. His little toe moved but he was too weak to lift his hand. His eyes closed and he heard a vague call next to him.

"Draco!" It called and reached for him, but he was already gone. People started touching him, he recognized it in the sting on his skin; but it was all he felt then. He turned once more to that lifeless form and whispered:

"Fuck you..."

""""""""""

"You are an unlucky one aren't you" A voice said as his eyes opened. He blinked a couple of times, willing his headache to go away. He focused on Harry's face; he had a vague smile cast upon his lips. He took Draco's hand and whispered:

"You didn't half scare me" Draco sat up a little.

"Sorry" He replied quietly. Harry sat on the bed and held him, suddenly he could breathe again and he seemed to be alright.

"What happened to Alecto?" He wondered.

"Aurors came to pick her up. She's with Lucius now"

"And how did she get in?"

Harry leaned back, thinking about it.

"I don't actually know" He called for Klaymore behind him, asking him to find out. They were left alone for a moment.

"What happened?" Draco asked curiously. Harry sat back on the bed and threaded his fingers between his mate's.

"You was hit by a Sectumsempra we think. Again..." He replied. Draco raised an eyebrow.

"A what?"

"Sectumsempra. You might remember... the bathroom? I cast it on you"

Draco did remember; the blood and pain as he lay on the wet floor of the toilets. He nodded slowly.

"We transferred a little blood from me" Harry added "You would have rejected someone else's. Not that mine was all that good but we managed to give you enough. Replenishing potions should be able to do the rest"

They looked each other in the eyes and something just clicked. They both moved forward in a warm embrace, breathing at the same time.

"How are you feeling?" Harry asked. Draco shrugged and buried his face in his neck.

"Weak, muscle ache. Other than that I feel fine" They held each other a moment longer when Klaymore returned into the room.

"It was that nurse" He said "Same one that let the fake letter in. She's been taken in now, for prosecution"

Draco nodded.

"Right thanks" He looked up at him and then at the window "Can I go out for a bit?"

"Do you feel strong enough?"

"I feel locked in and I need air that you haven't recycled" He replied evenly. Klaymore sent a look to Harry and nodded with a sigh. The latter smiled and got up. He put his arms underneath Draco's form and lifted him up. The Veela yelped and held onto his neck.

"Levitation is great, you know" He said. Harry smiled.

"I'd rather hold onto you, princess"

"Hey that's what I call him!" Klaymore interjected from behind them. Harry sent him a look over his shoulder.

"But I'm his Prince, dick-head" He answered. Draco felt something well up inside him and he smiled as he was carried outdoors.

Clouds covered up the sky in a thick gray layer, the crisp wind rushed through the branches making his skin come out in bumps; but the air felt fresh and new in his lungs. He needed this. Harry standing behind him with his arms around his waist was just an added bonus. He leaned back and closed his eyes. He felt trembling lips press against his neck and knew that Harry had been just as scared. He put his hands over his mate's fingers, threading them over his abdomen. Both their hands were shaking from the aftershock, but now they could breathe at least.

 **I am sorry for the tardiness of this chapter! I've been busy haha. It is a slighter shorter one and it probably is less good but I am doing my best to stay in the atmosphere I created! Next chapter will be the last one, I hope you liked it so far. Thanks everyone for sticking by me ! xxx**


	16. Live Free

**Chapter Sixteen: Live Free.**

"Draco, dear, let me explain something to you that us, lower class people, have found out long since: To walk, you need to put one foot in front of the other. If you put the same bloody foot in front of the same bloody foot about three bloody times you'll end up doing a split and falling straight on your arse"

Draco stopped in his endeavours and sent Harry a most pitiful glare.

"Shut up you. My left leg is refusing all cooperation" He replied as he leaned on his crutch to move his legs. He sighed and added "Come here and move my leg you, my hands are full"

Harry laughed and got up. He bent down near Draco and took his leg in both his hands, lifting it gently to lay it near the other. He remained in that position a moment longer; it was the closest they had ever been together. Draco inhaled at the touch and looked at Harry's face beneath him. The Gryffindor got up and stood near to him, his fingers lightly touching his waist. They looked at each other closely, Draco's heart raced with anticipation; but Harry stood on tiptoes and pressed his lips against his forehead. He sent him a weak smile and carried on moving.

After less than ten feet of steps he sighed and stopped, letting himself fall on the floor. Harry joined him and sat next to him.

"You okay?" He asked, putting a hand on Draco's knee.

"Yeah, I'm just tired" They remained a moment like that, until Draco put his head on Harry's shoulder "I want to go back to Hogwarts. This place doesn't feel safe anymore"

"It was one time Dray" Harry replied "It will be fine now, there's extra security; and I'm here too"

Draco looked at him and punched him on the shoulder.

"But not all the time, golden boy"

Harry shrugged but otherwise remained silent. Draco looked at the clouds above him, wanting to see them while sitting in the great hall. He longed to get out of this place, back to... well anywhere except Saint Mungo's and Malfoy Manor.

"Oh Damn" He murmured. Harry looked at him.

"What is it?"

"I just realised" He started "That I won't have any where to go after or between school"

He had never thought of it; but he was indeed disowned. Malfoy Manor was no longer his and he could easily hazard to guess that his mother would not be receiving a house from the Black family anytime soon. Harry sneaked his arm around his waist and easily replied:

"Come live with me"

"Idiot" Draco pouffed in reply "I can't do that. I mean bloody hell; we've only been together for about three days"

Harry shrugged.

"Honestly, we've got the rest of our lives to be together, I thought it could wait too but..." He stopped for a moment and quickly laid a kiss on Draco's temple "I don't mind if it starts sooner"

Draco looked at him, a ridiculous feeling coming up in his chest. He shoved his elbow playfully with a jolt.

"I was right. You are an idiot" He smiled "But I'll bare it in mind"

He thought about it and _oh god_ , he was probably going to faint. He leaned onto Harry more and closed his eyes. His mind wondered:

"What do you even mean? If you think you're moving me into your muggle family then you have completely lost it"

"No" Harry laughed "I'm not going back there; to quote you: _perish the thought_. No I've inherited the Black Manor from Sirius"

Draco thought about it and nodded. It would make sense. He was a soon to be Black after all. He decided not to think of it too much, it would send his mind in overdrive. He got up by himself – leaning on Harry's shoulder and then on his crutch.

"I feel like a fucking invalid" He complained. Harry got up next to him.

"You are a fucking invalid" He said; at the look he got from his mate he quickly added "But a gorgeous and superior one of course!"

Draco nodded his assent and attempted a walk again. He was getting there, he knew it. A nurse came out and handed him a parchment.

"This arrived yesterday" She said "It has only just been approved"

The Slytherin moved towards the steps in pitter patter movements and sat down. As soon as he opened it, he recognized the elegant hand writing displayed in front of him.

"It's from mother" _The real mother_ , his mind supplied.

 _Dragon,_

 _I hope my last owls have not saddened you too much, I am sure you understand. Simply writing is dangerous and I do hope that all these reach you safely; and that you are safe. I have heard no more of you in the Daily Profit, and though I long to hear of you, I am relieved._

 _I do miss you, a lot more than any Malfoy would be credited for. Soon we will be reunited, I have faith in that. Faith in your mate as well. You are valuable in this war Draco, soon you will come to understand this too, as I am sure mister Potter will make you realise. This will all be over soon and we can see each other again. The Dark Mark calls to be reunited with its master time and time again, for now it is too dangerous._

 _We will meet again; and I refuse to let something as pitiful as a war stand between us; a mother's love is stronger than that._

 _Stay strong my precious._

 _NMB._

Draco didn't feel strong, how was he to remain it? But the letter had brought a flicker of hope into him; as well as a firm dose of reality. At saint Mungo's it is easy to pretend that all the world's problems are confined in those walls; that it can be cured by operations, potions and mates; but it can't. There is a war going on and Draco is damn well part of it.

"Harry?" He called "Did I ever tell that You-know-who is living in Malfoy Manor?"

And it became the first of many conversations.

""""""""""

As such, Draco's information was not the biggest news of the year – that would be his inheritance – but it did make certain things known. He talked about the dark Lord's methods, about his abuse of the Curciatus Curse and hence the physical weakness of many of his followers, his whereabouts, the name of the known Death Eaters, etc. He met some of the Order of Felix, or whatever it's called; it was all draining him. None of them actually touched him, but their proximity bugged him as they took up the seats near him. As soon as they were gone, Harry sat by him on the bed and took his hand.

"About all that" He started "Did Voldemort use the Cruciatus curse on you?"

Draco shrugged and replied:

"Hardly ever" He got a look from Harry and sighed "Couple of times yeah"

Harry nodded solemnly and threaded his fingers through Draco's.

"It won't happen again" He whispered "Not while I'm here"

The Veela raised an eyebrow curiously.

"Woah golden boy relax. Nothing's happening" He said. Harry looked him in the eye and sent him a small smile. Draco was touched. He turned and threw his legs over the bed, touching his senseless feet on the cold floor. He took his crutch and stood to walk with Harry holding his elbow. He stopped for a moment and looked at him:

"What are you doing here actually?" He asked. Harry frowned.

"Stopping you from falling flat on your face, why?"

"No" Draco sighed "Not here and now you douche-bag. I mean in general. You're missing as much school as I am and you don't work enough to compensate. You're missing your year like this"

Harry shrugged.

"So are you. You said you're taking private lessons afterwards and during the summer, I'll do the same. I'm not fussed much"

Draco nodded and continued trying to walk. He missed things. Now that he had Harry, he wanted more. He wanted to walk again, wanted to learn again and use his spells. He wanted to get out of this... bloody place; but when he looked at Harry he had a hard time feeling disappointed. He stopped for a moment.

"Harry" He called "I believe I haven't actually thanked you properly. So hereby, thank you"

The Gryffindor looked up towards him.

"What for?"

"Being here"

Harry smiled and got up. He circled round Draco's crutches to lay an arm round his waist.

"You don't have to thank me for that" He said "It was a choice"

He leaned against him, looking up at the sky.

"I know it was but I appreciate it nonetheless. I much expected to be dead now and I'm fairly glad I'm not"

Harry leaned forward and pressed his lips on his cheek in a tender kiss; Draco was left shivering and craving for more. He turned to him and added honestly:

"You haven't quite settled into this yet have you?"

"How do you mean?" Harry replied curiously. Draco sat down onto his bed.

"Well I mean... you're nice with me and everything, a bit like a father; a really cool father that is; but you're not a boyfriend yet, shall we say"

"You have a strange notion of how a father is supposed to be"

"You know what I mean" He sighed "I mean that we're not... close like that. We touch and everything, it's all great. I can just feel it in my bloody genes that they want more"

Harry sat next to him, taking his hand delicately into his own.

"I know" He replied quietly "I get what you mean; but it's complicated. Well no not really" He sighed "Look thing is that I do want to be with you, I do really like you; but I needed more time to actually get to be in love I guess. Time that we didn't have. So I don't regret it, but that is why it doesn't really move on" He leaned back against the cushions "It's a lot to take in you know? Suddenly I have a soul-mate who will die without me, suddenly I find myself attracted to a man, bonded with that same man"

"What's wrong with a man?" Draco asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing per se. In the muggle world it's not seen as a good thing, it took me some time to realise that it can be. I mean, it's not bad. I grew up with people who were against it, and they made me understand that"

Draco had heard of it, the muggle homophobia. It had never been a problem in the Wizarding world, he wouldn't have thought that it could be one for Harry. The latter turned to him and made him look up by putting a finger beneath his chin.

"But I don't think that now, and you know what?" He asked. Draco shook his head, looking him in the eye "I was so scared when Alecto came; afraid that she'd hurt you; and I realised that somewhere along the line... I did fall in love with you"

Draco's heart constricted and something warm settled in his body, nestling firmly within him. So it had happened. Harry did love him, they were _something_ now.

"Took your bloody time" He finally replied, to it Harry laughed and nudged him.

"Git" They smiled to each other both feeling fairly giddy "Go on you say it now"

Draco shrugged and lay down next to Harry on the bed.

"Oh posh I don't need to say a thing. I am programmed to, we both know it" He said. The Gryffindor chuckled and nudged him till he almost fell off the bed.

"Well I guess it's good enough"

Harry turned on his side to face Draco. They were close to each other, their hands finding each other beneath their bodies as their faces inched nearer. Draco closed his eyes in anticipation, his heart beating mad in his chest. He felt the soft lips press against his and he leaned against them. It was nothing earth shattering or ground breaking, but it was it and Draco could feel it seep through him till his bones, into his very core. He opened his mouth to capture Harry's lip between his own, and there it was: pure, simple and blissful _completion_.

"""""""""

It took Draco two more days to get the full – almost – use of his legs back; whereas it only took him two hours to feel his erection again, but that's another story. He was allowed his good morning and goodnight kiss – and all those in between – and _hallelujah_ now he got why being a Veela is good.

He talked to the Daily Profit, for his own benefit as a trick of course. He talked about his father, about his inheritance, being the Golden boy's mate. He mentioned that it would be his first and last interview. But it did work in the end. He got a letter from his mother, two days after his interview was printed. She said she was glad to hear from him, even though it was through the papers. She said that she understood everything that he had said, and that she was with him; that she had written a letter to the ministry, accepting his emancipation. Soon he would get to hear from the Ministry and he would be a Malfoy no more. He almost fucked Harry there and then. Oups sorry about that.

But then the good things only just started then. He got up one crisp Tuesday morning to find that the now had left the country and so had his paralysis. A nurse came by in the morning, accompanied by a doctor and Klaymore. The latter was smiling like an idiot and winking at him behind the doctor's back, who held up a piece of paper and announced formally:

"Mister Malfoy, you are to be released from Saint Mungo's. You may return to Hogwarts" And now that _was_ earth shattering. Klaymore jumped on his bed – almost getting his paralysis back – and started dancing, trying to get him to do it with him. He didn't but he understood the feeling. He was going home.

He almost felt nervous. Harry had laughed saying that it's ' _oh yeah, it's only your sixth year_ '. He did feel ridiculous; but then the day came and it just felt so wonderful to take that coach again. He was ridden out to the forbidden forest.

When he got out, the air felt similar. He knew the ground under his feet; he knew the leaves that were no longer there. He took his crutch and stepped outside of the coach, looking at the sky that was the same at Saint Mungo's, it just felt so much better. He leaned onto the stick and onto Harry, looking at the tower spiking above the trees. It was beginning of the evening and the moon stood weak in the sky, cowering behind the clouds. He smiled. Harry looked at him.

"Funny" He said "You didn't smile that much when we got together"

"Oh well" He replied with a shrug "This is so much better"

He took a step forward and then he continued walking. He passed Hagrid's hutch, and bloody hell, even that looked nice. There were odd creatures hiding behind pumpkins, smoke coming out of the chimney and a nauseating smell emitting from the windows. He walked on through the courtyard. He stopped by the bridge with a frown, turning towards Harry. The latter had a strange look on his face.

"What's up with you?" Draco asked but Harry just shrugged with an _everything-other-than-innocent_ smile. Draco rolled his eyes and moved on. He stopped again, this time with reason. He heard it and sighed.

"God you arranged a surprise party or something didn't you?" Harry chuckled.

"Of course I didn-! Well yes I did" He confessed "Come on guys come out!"

Draco expected a full crowd, the papers and photographers; the entire works. It turned out to be slightly less exciting. There were a couple of Slytherins: Pansy, Blaise, Crabbe&Goyle (they must be mentioned together), Millicent and that's most of it really. Hermione Granger was there too, he didn't really understand. They all approached him running but stopped about a foot from him.

"Are you free to touch now Dray?" Pansy asked. Draco looked at Harry.

"You tell me, am I free to touch?" He asked. Harry looked up in thought.

"Well I don't know... Oh go on then!"

And soon he had a hand full - say more arms full - of Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode. Blaise gave him a manly pat on the shoulder because he couldn't _display in PDA now that you're a fairy_ , and Crabbe and Goyle just said hi. Again this wasn't earth shattering but the thought was nice; and it made Draco feel guilty for having never thought of them. Hermione Granger came to him and shook his hand.

"No hard feelings Malfoy" She said. He nodded to her.

"No hard feelings"

For a moment the group went into their tantrum of _with a all this Gryffindor Slytherin love, it's easy to forget there's a war isn't it?,_ and it was nice, though very untrue. For the time being it was just cute.

They all rushed in doors because heaven forbid they should be late for dinner. Draco walked slowly behind holding onto his crutch and Harry stayed at the back with him.

"So glad to be back?" He asked looking up at the one star he could see.

"Don't try to get me sentimental, Potter" He replied. Harry smiled and took his hand, turning him so they were facing each other.

"I love you" He whispered. Draco smiled and raised his hand to touch Harry's face. He caressed his cheek before slapping it – not too hard obviously.

"That's what you get for using such tricks to get me sentimental" He said "Bloody Gryffindor"

Harry laughed and laid a gentle kiss on his lips.

"You must forgive a man for trying"

And they walked on.

Hogwarts felt warm. The temperature was, as a matter of fact, much colder than at the hospital, but somehow it felt warmer. It was filled to the brim with people who pointed an accusing finger at him, or girls who stood behind their hands whispering futile things, or young lads laying traps for Peeves – who always wins of course. Whereas at the hospital there were only professionals who talked formally and were not allowed an opinion. The only warmth they had up there was Klaymore and he was just plain annoying – only sometimes, Draco actually quite appreciated having him round. Here there were people, good food and noises that consist in screams and cries. It felt warm.

The great Hall was all hustle bustles that hardly even shifted when the prodigal returned. Professor Dumbledore raised a glass to Draco discreetly over the students' heads and Professor Snape nodded to him. Some students grew silent and observed him, but even they soon returned to their meals often discussing him and Harry, but at least things _moved_.

He sat at the Slytherin table in his usual seat as if he'd never been gone. The food looked delicious after all these weeks – or was it months? – without it. His stomach could not handle a lot but he enjoyed the pieces here and there that he could get. A young boy, second year probably, came to him. From the colours of his robes he recognized a Huffelpuff in him. Draco looked up from his food towards this little bit of a creature.

"Yes?" He enquired in a better tone of voice than he used to using in such cases. The little on looked round nervously.

"I just wanted to know if it was true... I heard some people talking of it" He started in whisper. Draco waived a pedantic hand to make him carry on "That you're a Veela and that Harry Potter is your mate"

Draco was rooted to the spot. No he hadn't spoken about that yet; he forgot that he was back in a world where people didn't know. By the way some turned to look at him, he supposed they were guessing. He wanted to share a look with Harry, get him to tell something, but the Gryffindor had his laughing nose in some form of pudding, giggling away at an Irish joke no doubt. He turned back to the Huffelpuff and raised his head high and proud.

"Yes" He replied "That is true"

Somewhere inside him he felt nervous, but most of him was proud. He's got the guy now, and like any proud boyfriend should – take notes – he wanted to show him off. So he observed with a pat on the back from Blaise, as the boy returned to his friends and told them the truth. The word spread and spread, up till the point where it got back to him and up to Harry. The latter looked up at him. They shared contact for a moment. People looked, safe for a selected few who continued eating or who simply didn't care. Harry sent him a wink and got up. He stood on his seat and him being him, every eye – even those eating – turned to him.

"Listen up!" He called "I heard that a nasty rumour is going round about me. That I fraternise with ferrets. Oh, _perish the thought_ " He quoted and Draco had to smile "I think everyone by now should know that I'm more a Dragon type guy really. So yes, you call him a ferret, I call him a Dragon. He's neither is he? Yes, he is a Veela" A whisper went round "Gorgeous one at that, as they are. And yes, Veelas have soul mates; and yes, that would be me. So please all just stop trying to get a piece of him, because he is _mine_ " Draco shivered pleasantly at the possessive words "So I hereby officially announce that I am choosing that git over there, and you're all invited to the wedding! Happy now?"

A spontaneous outburst of claps erupted into the great hall, bits and pieces here and there because no, most of them did not clap. Most of them stared disapprovingly and talked of Death Eater and corruption. Draco did not listen to them. Harry walked towards him and kneeled in front of him; the Slytherin had to stop himself from falling off his chair with laughs. He raised his foot and pushed Harry back till he fell on his back.

"Don't you dare" He threatened. Harry laughed and got up. He put his elbow on Draco's head and said thoughtfully:

"Oughtn't we to find a date for the wedding by the way?" Talking of the bonding he supposed. Draco took his arm as if it was filth and put it beside him.

"Not sure there will be one now; you completely spoiled my dessert you know" He replied. Harry slid into the seat next to him, invading his private space.

"I've got a life time to make it up" He whispered "If you'll have me"

Draco hit him gently on the nose with his filthy spoon.

"I've got a headache, try again tomorrow"

Harry smiled and kissed his cheek as most of the Slytherin table swooped in cheers.

"Then I will see you in the morrow, fair maiden"

 _Oh Merlin_ , Draco thought, _and that for the rest of my life?_

 _Could be worse._

 ** _The end._**

 **And there it is folks! This story has reached it's ending. I was never any good at last chapters but I hope you liked it. I am fairly relieved, it's always a struggle when you're not sure that you'll keep the inspiration to make it till the end but I did it and I loved it! Thank you for staying with me! My commission box is still open, send me an mp anytime I respond quickly! Great big hug and kiss to go2sleep for having been there from beginning to end. I hope to see you all soon! xxx**


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